Where will the wing bring me to?

Tuesday, August 14
# 1:13 PM

time pass real fast..
its exam again..
din study much..
worried.. bt its my own bad for nt studyin..

thanks to friends like leong, kong, sunder, edward, david n others..
especially leong, kong n edward.. they helped mi alot..

hopefully SLEKZ can stick together til end of our Diplo..

i dunno wats wrong wit mi recently.. mood swing damn badly.. guess i shall stop smokin..
or rather.. perhaps.. aft exam.. take some time to tink abt wats goin on with mi.. hopefully i can find a answer..

goal in life.. doesn have any yet.. i seriously dunno wat i want.. always tink abt it n it went blank..

i'm nt good at anything as in particularly good at anything..
no skills no knowledge..
dance? photography? drawin? all r juz interest..
i haven see the world yet.. thou i always tot i do..

sigh.. feelin down actually..
bt i tink i muz tink of a way to cheer up.. dun wish mizzy to wry for mi again..
she is tryin so hard yet.. i'm like tt..

k shall end here today.. if nt ppl will start killin mi with words again

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Tuesday, August 7
# 10:21 PM

SERIOUSLY.. ppl.. pls delete my blog from urs ok? or ppl who read my blog pls stop..
i dunno how to make it private n i dun wan to waste paper to write like little girl -dear diary- all i wish is someplace for mi to write down my feelin..

i dunno.. comments will do nth to mi.. i'm juz a selfish person.. like to have idea on my own n dun share.. or perhaps things keep in n dun say out.. hmm

gues i should find place to drop my feelin again..

have been very tired recently..
tink should cut down on goin out n late slps..

today.. study at home.. feel so bored.. bt have to study.. tryin hard to..
talk to yati.. try out trickster..

salad nt at home, he din reply mi..
nt much ppl care much abt mi.. anyway dun tink they wan to either.. tis juz boring to care for someone like mi.. haha..

anyway.. miss my penguin alot.. cant put words to discribe how i feel.. hmm..

today is very bored n lonely..

hmm.. guess i have found out my cravings..

1) ramen~ hur hur hur
2) cakes n coffee.. when got cash lets go some cafes~
3) finger foods from Old Chang Kee(tink i spell correct)
4) drinks + chips.. slacks n laughter with friends..

currently tis is all..

target of the year..

-DS lite
-CF
-watch of my favourite colour n look cool
-eoy ( taian's group)
-pass my exams
-try to save or earn so money
-peaceful life..

tink currently is like tt oso.. hmm..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Saturday, August 4
# 12:21 AM

i'm always leadin a happy go lucky life..

bt things have been crashin down..

its too much for mi to take it..

thou i stil smile n live on..

i stil being myself..

bt even a man will shed a tear..

even a man have their weak side..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Monday, July 30
# 2:17 AM

i start to dislike myself..

i dunno y.. i always tink lowly abt myself..
however.. its the fact tt i'm nt good..

i expect too muhc..
too demandin..
too selfish..
too attention seekin..
too much tis too much tt..

i dunno..

whenever i get something i wan.. i will b greedy n wan more..

somehow there r more things.. bt i dunno how to say out.. bt i noe myself tt i'm bad.

i dun tink anyone can accept who i m..

its really hard to..

i wont give excuse like stress or wat.. bt.. its really stressin..

i tink some ppl ard mi.. dislike mi for who i m.. or things i do.. or did..
ppl heard story abt mi.. see mi in person n stuff.. sure i believe will have ppl dislike abt mi.. bt i cant do anything to stop them from disliking mi..

friends ard mi noe abit of my difficulty n try to help.. however.. it made mi feel even worst.. feel i'm being pity.. being look down..

thou they say.. sometime in life.. a human need help from others.. bt i dunno.. i feel really bad.. feel hurt too.. thou helpin mi cut away the trouble at tt moment.. bt aft being helped.. i feel more uncomfortable for i "owe" them..

sigh.. i dunno.. i seriously dunno wat is right n wrong to do.. accept help or dun..

being too selfish too.. arg.. i wish i can understand wats goin on.. n find a solution to save myself..

y m i so uesless.. so weak.. so........

PPL dun try to pity mi cuz i say out stuff like tis.. or get angry cuz of tis too..
i juz need place to shout out.. ... ... gomen ne...

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Saturday, July 28
# 12:51 PM

is it i expected too much? or my friends dun understand mi?

m i selfish?

friends.. non noe wats in mi.. even thou i say out.. theres no use..
i dun say out.. they keep askin wat, why n stuff..
do u really tink on my side when i say my stuff? or u juz hear it out n go away?

i rather aft u hear, if u cant help.. juz let mi noe.. "hey sry.. aft hearin i realise i cant help.." rather den.. juz walk away witout sayin anything ya?

guess i expect too much..

thou i need friends.. bt i tink i'm stil born alone.. n shall walk on alone..

sometime i really juz wish i can dun care anything n everything n died..

i'm selfish i expect.. i'm a asshole..

friends.. something i tink is impt since young.. dun seems to b there for mi anymore as i grow.. i guess.. tis is the cruel side of the world..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Wednesday, July 25
# 12:24 AM

stressful..

its very stressful..

studies, friends, family, life..

y is everything crushin on mi..

to ppl who hates mi.. dislike mi.. its a good news to u..

let mi drop dead will u.. god..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Friday, July 13
# 1:33 AM

to her i'm a liar..

bt i'm nt.. in the past i do treat her the most impt, the girl i love the most..

always when things happen i try to pull her back.. she go cold on mi..
she ignore mi treat mi cold.. goes to her friends..

she once told mi.. she need friends.. when i need her she oso say she need friends..
she ask mi to go.. i dun wan to.. bt she goes cold to mi agian.. for quite long..

i once ask myself.. how m i goin to survive without her..
no matter how i try to get hr back in the past.. she juz shove mi away..

i believe we can b together if we can accept each other.. she cant accept mi..

i'm juz a liar.. a guy who take away her everything..
i'm juz a bastard.. bt have she tot abt it.. i try to hold back.. who pushes mi away..

i try to b there for her.. bt she always is other guys name in her mouth when she talk abt comfortin n make her smile.. where m i?

to her.. i'm a flirt.. yea.. perhaps.. to her i always b with friends.. yea.. perhaps.. watever she says.. it muz b right..

whenever i say something.. she will go the other way.. n in the end i will give to her.. if nt she will juz ignore or goes silent with black face..

where is our communication? where is the care u once had.. aft u got ur friends.. where m i in ur heart? u said i always in ur heart.. i believe..

i stick on.. to no avail.. onli to get push away..

i understand its the same for urside..

so i tink i respect wat u say.. go our way n get out life..

i did as wat u ask mi to..

i juz did wat u wan.. so u will b happy..

cuz we cant communicate.. tts y alot of misunderstandin.. alot of unhappiness came..

i tink.. we remain as friend.. n start to noe each other again n accept who we r..

relationship is impossible if both side cant communicate..
a long term relationship needs that..

; wings of hope where are you?___`