<!-- --><!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(http://www.blogger.com/css/navbar/classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head><body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/17080383?origin\x3dhttp://moon-cross.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> <iframe src="http://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID=32336572&amp;blogName=illusion.&amp;publishMode=PUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT&amp;navbarType=BLUE&amp;layoutType=CLASSIC&amp;homepageUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fmicbando.blogspot.com%2F&amp;searchRoot=http%3A%2F%2Fmicbando.blogspot.com%2Fsearch" height="30px" width="100%" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" id="navbar-iframe" frameborder="0"></iframe> <div id="space-for-ie"></div> <!-- --><div id="flagi" style="visibility:hidden; position:absolute;" onmouseover="showDrop()" onmouseout="hideDrop()"><div id="flagtop"></div><div id="top-filler"></div><div id="flagi-body">Notify Blogger about objectionable content.<br /><a href="http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=1200"> What does this mean? </a> </div></div><div id="b-navbar"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" id="b-logo" title="Go to Blogger.com"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/logobar.gif" alt="Blogger" width="80" height="24" /></a><div id="b-sms" class="b-mobile"><a href="sms:?body=Hi%2C%20check%20out%20.matte.%20yours%20truly%60%20at%20matte-latte.blogspot.com">Send As SMS</a></div><form id="b-search" name="b-search" action="http://search.blogger.com/"><div id="b-more"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" id="b-getorpost"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/btn_getblog.gif" alt="Get your own blog" width="112" height="15" /></a><a id="flagButton" style="display:none;" href="javascript:toggleFlag();" onmouseover="showDrop()" onmouseout="hideDrop()"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/flag.gif" name="flag" alt="Flag Blog" width="55" height="15" /></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/redirect/next_blog.pyra?navBar=true" id="b-next"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/btn_nextblog.gif" alt="Next blog" width="72" height="15" /></a></div><div id="b-this"><input type="text" id="b-query" name="as_q" /><input type="hidden" name="ie" value="UTF-8" /><input type="hidden" name="ui" value="blg" /><input type="hidden" name="bl_url" value="matte-latte.blogspot.com" /><input type="image" src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/btn_search_this.gif" alt="Search This Blog" id="b-searchbtn" title="Search this blog with Google Blog Search" onclick="document.forms['b-search'].bl_url.value='matte-latte.blogspot.com'" /><input type="image" src="http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/btn_search_all.gif" alt="Search All Blogs" value="Search" id="b-searchallbtn" title="Search all blogs with Google Blog Search" onclick="document.forms['b-search'].bl_url.value=''" /><a href="javascript:BlogThis();" id="b-blogthis">BlogThis!</a></div></form></div><script type="text/javascript"><!-- var ID = 24816888;var HATE_INTERSTITIAL_COOKIE_NAME = 'dismissedInterstitial';var FLAG_COOKIE_NAME = 'flaggedBlog';var FLAG_BLOG_URL = 'http://www.blogger.com/flag-blog.g?nav=1&toFlag=' + ID;var UNFLAG_BLOG_URL = 'http://www.blogger.com/unflag-blog.g?nav=1&toFlag=' + ID;var FLAG_IMAGE_URL = 'http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/flag.gif';var UNFLAG_IMAGE_URL = 'http://www.blogger.com/img/navbar/1/unflag.gif';var ncHasFlagged = false;var servletTarget = new Image(); function BlogThis() {Q='';x=document;y=window;if(x.selection) {Q=x.selection.createRange().text;} else if (y.getSelection) { Q=y.getSelection();} else if (x.getSelection) { Q=x.getSelection();}popw = y.open('http://www.blogger.com/blog_this.pyra?t=' + escape(Q) + '&u=' + escape(location.href) + '&n=' + escape(document.title),'bloggerForm','scrollbars=no,width=475,height=300,top=175,left=75,status=yes,resizable=yes');void(0);} function blogspotInit() {initFlag();} function hasFlagged() {return getCookie(FLAG_COOKIE_NAME) || ncHasFlagged;} function toggleFlag() {var date = new Date();var id = 24816888;if (hasFlagged()) {removeCookie(FLAG_COOKIE_NAME);servletTarget.src = UNFLAG_BLOG_URL + '&d=' + date.getTime();document.images['flag'].src = FLAG_IMAGE_URL;ncHasFlagged = false;} else { setBlogspotCookie(FLAG_COOKIE_NAME, 'true');servletTarget.src = FLAG_BLOG_URL + '&d=' + date.getTime();document.images['flag'].src = UNFLAG_IMAGE_URL;ncHasFlagged = true;}} function initFlag() {document.getElementById('flagButton').style.display = 'inline';if (hasFlagged()) {document.images['flag'].src = UNFLAG_IMAGE_URL;} else {document.images['flag'].src = FLAG_IMAGE_URL;}} function showDrop() {if (!hasFlagged()) {document.getElementById('flagi').style.visibility = 'visible';}} function hideDrop() {document.getElementById('flagi').style.visibility = 'hidden';} function setBlogspotCookie(name, val) {var expire = new Date((new Date()).getTime() + 5 * 24 * 60 * 60 * 1000);var path = '/';setCookie(name, val, null, expire, path, null);} function removeCookie(name){var expire = new Date((new Date()).getTime() - 1000); setCookie(name,'',null,expire,'/',null);} --></script><script type="text/javascript"> blogspotInit();</script><div id="space-for-ie"></div>

Friday, September 29
# 2:29 PM

28th sept

today is vania bdae.. so.. happy bdae to vania..

ha i woke up late tis mornin.. bt nt as late as wed.. so its stil alright.. went to sch.. sms meow meow.. guess i forgot answer her question n "why so late?" which make her send again at the later part of the day.. hee feel so nice waitin for meow meow when she attachment n study.. thou its tired for her n mi.. bt i juz cant wait to see her.. anytime i see her.. i feel very happy n filled up.. if nt my life is like so empty.. guess she juz wan to b friend til i dunno when.. mayb forever? however i stil like her.. wanna b with her.. she got friends.. she want them.. theres nth i can do.. bt to stay ard her n look at her.. i love to b quiet.. i love to look at things frm side.. juz like love lookin at her without sayin anything.. we went to eat at food court today.. she ate beef noodles.. n mi fishball noodles.. i simply feel very happy juz to b with her.. bt i have to prepare tt one day she will b away frm mi.. she will find her love one day.. the one who really she love n she feel happy with..

29th sept..

today.. feel so shock n happy tt thou i jump out of bed.. meow meow called mi n wake mi up.. cuz i'm late!! thank you meow meow.. sry to trouble u..

meow meow sound very tired.. hope she will b alright.. somehow i wish to hug her to rest.. together mi n her we rest.. bt its juz a selfish tot.. its bad.. nono.. cannot tink like tt.. she is nt my girlfriend anymore.. *smack myself* juz pray tt she will b alright.. dun like other ppl bully her or use her.. hmmpt.. i love my meow meow.. some time she is sweet.. sometimes she can really bite.. haha.. bt i wry.. she dun bite other ppl.. so i always wan to protect her.. bt she tink i'm in her way of life.. sad.. bt nvm.. i juz stay by her side lor..

today sch end early.. 12.. so i went home first.. meow today no lesson.. she goin out with huiying.. wish i can go too.. bt i'm poor.. even to travellin i cant cope.. anyway i goin to meet ran n sheng at cwp to look for job.. i really wish my tis 4 wish can come true..

1st.. be meow's boyfriend who can give her happiness let her feel happy n have simple lovely relationship.. really wish

2nd.. i can pass all my courses.. n smoothly get out of Singapore poly

3rd.. wish i can b more financial stable.. n grow taller

last.. i wish meow will b healthy, happy n dun stress.. n all the bad ppl ard her will b slowly blow away frm her.. so she will nt get harm.. hee..

tired.. yawn.. i miss meow meow.. T.T

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Wednesday, September 27
# 11:50 AM

26th sept.

26th sept is the day tt is impt if we din break up.

today went early like ytd to meet meow meow at JE. Thou onli see her for a few second. Bt i'm already very happy. she need to rush off to attachment.. miss her alot today. didn receive replies frm her.. however when we meet in the evenin.. she explained to mi.. n wit nt even a single doubt i trust all her words.

went to have dinner.. meow dun allow mi to eat.. haha. cuz i'm goin to the steamboat at marina south wit friend aft i send her to sch.. she is so beautiful.. listen to her talkin, see her smilin, somehow i feel so happy.. wish to b with her longer..

went to the steamboat.. its to celebrate one of my friend's bdae.. was damn tired.. so juz sit there n sms meow.. bt meow is study.. so dun dare disturb her much.. we the 7 bros talk alot.. cuz mayb too long didn gather together to talk.. all the 7 of us.. *Bin, Sheng, Xiong, Ran, Wei, Thomas n mi..* i somehow noe i have made a mistake to go home later to chat with them.. n i miss meow..

27th sept..

today.. i hate myself alot.. due to ytd late home.. i cant wake up tis mornin.. cant meet meow in the mornin.. i feel so empty.. miss sch lesson.. i feel very bad.. cuz my result is nt the best.. yet... sigh.. i hate myself.. i wan to change.. i wan to b a better guy.. i wan to study hard n stuff.. i wan my future to b good for meow.. if she ever comin back.. bt i wan to change.. the mi n the past sucks.. its nt mi.. i finally realise tt aft the broke up.. i'm nth bt a failure.. always wan do something den in the end cant do it.. bt tis time no matter wat i will try.. for my sake, for meow sake, for the future sake. i will try.. wish meow later will call or sms mi den i can meet her.. >.<

wee.. meow meow called mi.. we meet up at kranji.. cuz i was kinda late.. den she already reach CCK so she move on to kranji n meet up.. we talked, laugh, play n stuff. it was fun.. i love tt.. haha.. she try to nt get angry so fast n stuff.. can see tt.. haha bt to mi, mayb i stil nt use to it.. i feel she had changed.. no longer the innocent meow meow i noe.. bt nvm human change n stuff. if the past character is her true self.. oneday she will b back.

we went to eat at yoshinoya again. haha.. tis time i eat with her.. feel so happy.. i dunno if its tt she wan or she is juz playin with mi.. bt she feed mi fries.. feel very happy.. >.< send her to sch like past 2 days.. see her went in to the class n my heart feel empty again.. miss her.. cuz i noe once she went in.. its hard to talk again.. cuz when she work, study.. its hard for her to sms mi.. n i dun wan to disturb her too.. so as usual.. i went home..

at WDL bus interchange.. i saw Ran.. he takin a big cake.. haha i noe who the cake belongs to.. its mosquito's.. a girl who Ran likes b4.. dunno now stil got or nt.. Ran ask mi to acc him to go meet her.. cuz she is my 14 years of friend.. n its true.. i noe her for 14 years. haha.. so the 3 of us talk n stuff den put candle n she make wish n stuff.. walk home.. mi n Ran walk to SPC patrol station n buy milk.. we talk alot.. its like when we were at sec5.. mi n Ran talk alot.. haha.. good buddy..

reach home.. smsed meow.. i noe she wont reply cuz she studyin.. juz miss her.. haha.. see her so tired i oso feel painful for her.. T.T really wish i can give her my energy.. so she can b more cheerful.. its late le.. wish her good night.. wish to tell her i love her.. bt.. its useless.. nth will change.. i will have to change more n make her trust mi more.. ^.^

God bless everyone.. thank you meow for smilin n talkin to mi.. i feel very happy ^.^ sry if i din make u happy. i will try harder..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Monday, September 25
# 11:21 PM

my cousin pm mi.. asked mi abt my sword n stuff..
she said she feel sad cuz of her work n life.. feel sad for her too. she is so capable. bt was drag down by stress, staff unhappiness n stuff.. ganbatte ne. god will bless u..

vania pm mi.. she ask how m i n stuff.. she seems to b a quiet girl to mi.. bt didn noe tt she oso got so much trouble.. thanks for her concern.. she is a nice girl.. thou i nt really noe her.. bt she can understand wat i sayin n listen n reply with a positive way.. i really happy n touch..

she make mi remind of elie(meow meow).. meow meow is a nice girl.. she listen n stuff.. mayb cuz i hurt her n stuff n she stress now tts y her attitude towards mi change.. bt ppl will change as time goes by.. juz whether they realise or nt.. take mi for example. its aft i lost meow meow den i realise i have change so bad.. so now i'm tryin to change back.. we r friend now.. i will try use the time n change n mayb u will change ur attitude towards mi.. dun build fence between us..

ppl concern mi n ofcuz ppl slowly goin far frm mi like my old time friends.. no one talks to mi n understand mi.. mayb cuz i dun say things out.. n wear a mask cuz i dun wan get hurt.. bt i kinda like my life now.. i have my one n onli big goal.. go get meow meow back n get married.. n there r ppl concern abt mi n understand mi.. someday i will understand meow meow n meow meow will understand mi too.. den we will have no quarrel.. wee.. cant wait for tt day.. really wish it will come.. i will try hard now.. wee...

thank you meow meow..
thank you harnling (cousin)
thank you vania *i'm nt cute, nt great dancer.. haha so dun tink i m*

i love my meow meow..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


today its the start of sch again.. so is meow meow's attachment n courses.. hope she will b alright..
wish tt i can lighten my heart abit more so i can dun let her feel so tie up.. hmm i muz try somemore.. missin her today n i tink i tink alittle too much again. bt tis time i can control.. cuz i trust her even more.. juz wonder if i have did anything tt make her trust mi even alittle.. i will try harder.. i wan to b a better man.. i hate my old self..

Zean's heart : "hey Zean.. being urself is alright.. juz nt the bad side.. u noe how to see wat is good n bad right.. ur problem is tt u noe its nt very good to say things.. bt u juz cant stop immediately. try harder.. find urself back.. the good one.. haha.."

i noe i'm dumb to talk to myself.. bt its the onli way i can remember things.. my memory becomin bad day by day.. wonderin wats happenin..

i need to come here n read tru my feelins n things i have said n stuff.. sry meow meow.. guess i'm stil nt good enough for u.. everyone have their own tinkin.. one juz have to listen to the other n tink/ join the ideas together to see wat is the out come.. quarrel will sure lessen if both side can understand. (tis words is for myself too.. nt sayin anyone. nt pin point anyone. so dun get offended)

i startin nt to like guys much.. their tinkin is so corrupted.. have they even tink for the girls.. guess everyone is selfish.. have a bigger heart n dun b petty.. as long as the person who u care for noe the limit.. let it b..

Zean's heart : "u lie n hide too.. thou u noe wat is bad n u dun go do it.. bt do u noe tt lyin hurt those who care for u? b honest if its really bad.. listen to others advise.. tink abt the comments. dun object straight.. tink again.. n nicely talk out.. sometime ppl juz wan to care bt dunno how to express. "

my goal now is to make myself a better one.. wee. so friends can accept mi, meow meow can accept mi n we make a happy relationship with honesty, understandin..

dear god.. pls protect meow meow frm all the bad things.. b it how ppl treat her, tink of her m stuff.. she is someone impt to mi..

waitin for meow meow end the attachment den meet her go eat dinner.. hee.. i need to slowly save up.. for the future with meow.. i dun care.. i will wait.. cuz frm the beginnin i already take u as my future wife.. i noe its childish to say so early especially ppl who noe i'm poor.. bt i take it serious.. she is the onli one.. i dun mind her past or wat.. i noe its mi who dun cherish her.. bt i have learn my bad. i will change.. T.T sry to keep wantin u to b with mi such a useless guy..

guess i talk too much.. later other days nth to say.. guess i'm juz like tt.. keep repeatin myself.. dunno y.. i tink i gettin weird.. my mind got some problem.. mayb got short term memory or brain got problem. haha.. wish to b with meow.. watch movie, hug her slp , alot.. juz to love her n stuff..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Sunday, September 24
# 3:55 PM

came over to meow meow house.. she asked mi to come over to help her with the sewin of her skirt..

wake up early came over to her house.. waited for her happily bt to receive a piss off sms.. sigh.. i dunno wat have i done to make her tt way.. guess she is juz hatin mi..

things slowly went well bt we quarrel again.. i dun like it.. sigh..

tink i more n more like him.. tt bastard.. if i can call him bastard den i myself is a bastard too..

i tink she really hate mi for botherin her.. i really wish we can b like last time.. nt really as couple type bt as close friend type.. like how we were when i was her "daddy"

accidentally saw her sms.. guess she is really close to kero.. she tell him tt i was botherin her.. n kero was like some hero.. reply tt if need help he will come over.. ( i dun mind lero being like tis.. cuz if were mi i will oso do it. however they juz noe each other nt long. n he seems interested to her.. i feel very pain.. bt it was i who make things to tis stage.. if onli i dun hide things in the past, dun pester her now. guess she wont ask some guy for help.)

things i'm gonna change..

*i will nt hide anything frm her anymore.
*i will slowly make her trust mi.
*be myself n talk things out if ever we have argument in the future.
*wish she can oso change her attitude towards mi as days past.
*i will wait for her til the day she is ready to come back.
*i Muz grow tall.
*same as b4 dun like guys who flirt her. i noe she will nt go for guys in the past. bt dunno now. bt i tink those guys r the bad one who always wan her.. despo guys.. hate it.
*talk to guys its ok, juz like i talk to girls. juz dun take advantage of her. if i noe i will kill the guy.

things i promise to her n myself

* i will change.
* i will nt find any other girls.
* marry her aft i get her back. ( its a long long promise which i keep cuz i really mean it)

afterall. i will have to change to someone who i m alittle b4 i noe her.. tts the time when i'mthe best i tink. bt now i wan to b better.

no matter if u were to come back or have a relationship. i will stil wait for u. no matter wat.

hmm frm tml on.. things will change.. she will b busy, i will b busy.. guys will ask her out more, sms her call her more.. bt i cant do anything. so wait.. haha.. ganbatte to myself.

to ppl who read my blog. if u noe abt my problem n dun like it. u either tell mi if nt go away. whether u r friend or ppl who backstab mi.. one day i will noe.

lastly.. meow meow i love u forever. i will wait. haha i sound so freak. bt its cuz i really love her n dun wan to pester her anymore. so other guys dun have chance... I SO BAD!!!! lol..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Friday, September 22
# 6:13 PM

we have broken up. i really feel sad n regret very much. bt there is nth i can do really. there is no chance i can do anything cuz i hurt her too much.

thanks to elie(my ex-girlfriend who make the blog for mi, she is talented)

22sept 6:01pm

she went to play pool with friends..
juz woke up. miss you alot. regret alot. how i wish time can turn back n i wont lie to you n b honest n give u a happier life. i'm juz too selfish n timid n didn tink abt ur feelin. i'm juz nt myself. sigh. was tinkin how i wish u r stil my girlfriend. bt the fact is very cruel. it hurts bt its my own doin tt led to this. i wish n pray for a second chance to b wit u in the future when we can start anew. n u can trust mi. i will treasure tt chance..

wonder how is your pool outing. dont dare to sms u. cuz dunno wat to say n ask. wanna say i miss u dear. how's the outin. noe more guys ar. are they ur type? i hope nt. haha. i'm juz a dumbass who regret. ask myself y i'm so freak when u given mi so much chance n givin in to mi so much. i juz dun see it. i hate myself. take things for granted. i'm sry.. really wan u back yet i cant do anything. the onli thing i can tink off now is explain honestly to u, lessen the hatred n stuff. n at least b normal friend when u will sms mi talk to mi n stuff. bt nt full of hate n distrust.. wish in the future u can trust mi more n we can talk more.. i will wait for ur return.. whether u comin back or nt i will stil wait.. cuz i really love u n i will change n hope u will change ur tinkin abt mi. i wont give up on the promise abt gettin married. mayb u had give up. bt i wont. its juz single love right now.

; wings of hope where are you?___`
Zean aka Tsuki
single
10 march 1988