Where will the wing bring me to?

Tuesday, May 29
# 9:45 PM

Dun read tis if u cant handle ur emotion.. its juz somethings tt i need to spill out if nt i will die..

i feel tt i'm a burden to her..

she might have a better life without mi..

might get a better guy aft mi..

she might smile better without mi..

i feel i'm......sigh...

<>

thou i trust u.. bt its juz hurtin.. aft readin tis sms.. who noes wats between u n him..

if i'm nt ard.. mayb u can have better time n life with him?

yes i dun understand ur life.. wat u told mi is u r busy with sch, cca, KHK, night class, friends n family.. its so general.. do i noe anything else? anything more detail? nope..

yea u will say i din tell u abt my life.. yea i agree.. i din say much abt my life.. cuz wat i do is daze in class tinkin of wat u doin when i dunno wat u doin.. if nt is play game to stop myself from tinkin too much.. other den is study.. wat else can i do when i always tink wat u r doin..

u noe i can tink alot.. from realistic to even imagine.. anything i can tink of..

u n him r juz best friend..

the last time is oso him tt we quarrel.. u delete his msn.. hp no.
bt so wat.. he is ur CLASSMATE, u can get his no. back again.. or better talk in sch together.. when i dun even noe wat else more.. msn u can add him back i wont even noe.. all tis i juz keep quiet cuz i believe u for u say u delete him n wont talk/ contact him.. bt.. tt night u called him.. n next day i got tt sms.. its like.. i'm nt blamin u or wat..

its juz.. u say u nt goin to contact him.. or wat so ever.. or mayb u din say so..

bt i have told u many time.. i dun like the feelin havin him ard.. poet, shane..

bt i tink u juz cant lose tt friend.. u wan him more den wat i tell u abt my feelin..

if nt he will long gone in ur life..

so i tink since i cant live with him ard u.. den perhaps he is a better choice u have found.. someone who u can talk to .. who understand u.. n who everyday same class as u compare to mi.. he can see n be with u more den i do..

hate mi if u wan.. for him u hate mi.. i will have nth to say..

all i can say is i'm nt as good as others.. i'm juz a loser..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

if only we can be together 24/7 forever..

if only there are no one there to break us..

if only we only think for each other and sometimes others

if only..

if only..

if only our love is so strong that other people will envy us and not come to destroy us

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Tuesday, May 15
# 10:25 PM

ytd, monday 14 may

i very tiring day.. i woke up at the time my alarm rings, very tired..after preparin n everything, i have 10 min to spare so i sit on sofa n rest. den i go sch..

wasnt in mood to listen to lecturer.. break time.. was damn piss by some junior in the foodcourt..juz keep quiet n dun wan say much cuz too tired.. if at tt moment got any slight friction, i will flare n kiss asses..
all the while was quiet.. cuz very tired.. back of my eyes are aching..

aft sch, decided to go meet up dear.. cuz tis week we have hard time meetin.. n i miss her alot.. so i drag myself all the way to parkway parade.. cuz very tired..was hopin tt we wont quarrel.. if nt combine with my tiredness i will have damn bad temper..

however.. we have great time together.. tts wat i heard from her side.. i enjoy n hope she enjoy too..

miss her soooo much..

yea i noe i'm lousy compare to other guys..

i'll juz remain who i m.. theres always someone better den someone other there.. so i will never b better den someone out there..
i juz wan to stay happy with my dear..

i like tis song by good charlotte.. Keep your hands off my girl
haha..
its best tt all guys keep there hands, eyes n thoughts off my girl..bt eyes n thought r impossible.. so..

wishes for today..
wish mi n my dear will b together 4ever.. n ofcuz keep to our plan.. few more years.. ^_^
wish to stay happy with my dear..
wish i can pass my exams..
wish i can faster clear off my sch life..
wish i can have more $$ n better den other guys in all area.. sports, study anything~~

lastly.. i love my dear.. ^_^

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Sunday, May 13
# 9:51 PM

met da jie at Marina square's HongKong Cafe with er jie n kelvin.. hanhui n dajie already there..

we ate den we go Marina square walk walk.. den we go to parkway parade to collect the lantern mum ordered.. den went to westmall to transfer the hp line i'm usin now from kelvin account to my account.. so i have to pay my own hp bill from today on.. den we went to supermarket to buy ingredient for the steamboat tt sis decide.. n aft which went to hanhui house to take his stuff cuz he stayin over.. den home prepare for dinner.. den eat.. dear sms mi.. i'm very happy~

dear.. i really miss u n love u alot.. juz sometime see u praise or happily talk abt other guys make mi sad n jealous.. sigh.. i trust u bt juz wry tt the guys u mentions r so high above mi.. i'm nth compare to them.. i feel i'm so useless.. so small.. n i cant even secure u as my gf.. somehow feel the threat of u gettin grab away by them n never come back to mi.. T_T i dun wan tis to happen.. i'm scared..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

ok starts with friday night

i went n meet up with dear. thou she dun call mi darr in her blog anymore. bt i juz wan anyone to noe she is my dear.. we eat n hang out at rockey master.. was nt a nice time to go there tt time. for she dun seems to b enjoyin.. n we have a small arguement.. den we went off n she go play guitar.. den we go home..

sat.. KHK.. bad day.. wear wrong things at wrong time.. damn hot.. bt was happy to b with dear on tt day.. thou i dunno how she feels n things..

today... sunday.. tis mother's day + my sis bdae.. my mum is nt ard so we din celebrate tt bt i goin to meet my sis later.. i juz read dear's blog..

tink i shall juz dun read anymore. everytime i read i got sad n heartache.. there is onli praise of other guys ard her.. her cca n stuff.. feel i never better den them.. i do feel so too.. i never better then anyone. n we slowly drift further for we got no time to meet. n she have her time most with her sch mates.. even the cca ppl she oso got one afternoon with them.. onli meet mi when she is tired n we cant talk much.. sigh.. tink i will lose her to some guys tt hang ard with her someday.. cuz they can talk more see each other more.. get to noe each other more.. there is a pharse in chinese sayin tt as time goes by the love grows.. mi n her seldom meet up cuz no time.. bt if this is wat suppose to b den i can do nth abt it.. i try to meet up bt she have no time..

i nt givin her stress.. juz feel if really can.. den have sometime with mi? bt i dun tink i can give her as good as wat others gives.. hate it.. i'm juz lousy..

cant give her freedom.. cant make her happy.. cant tis cant tt..

sigh.. all i wry is losin her n her loves..

will she ever noe? i juz wan a fair treatment.. i wish to b hang ard her blogs n lips to b praise abt.. bt nt shane or the badminton guy.. how to serve in badminton i oso can teach her.. juz i dun tink she will say things with a "yays" at the back of her sentence if i'm the one goin to teach her..

I M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH..... feel damn sad... how will u feel if ur partner is happy with others bt nt u.. u feel being pushed down.. how will u feel if ur partner praise other guys instead of u? u feel sad.. argggg guess i will get to my long past self.. the silent self.. juz keep all my tis type of things to myself or rather write on blog.. n dun care who read it..

tis is juz how i feel.. tts all if u understand u will do somethings abt it bt nt run away.. bt if u tink tt u dun have to change den its ok.. juz let it b.. i dun wan to force.. i dun wan a struggling relationship.. i juz wan love n care.. nt from outside bt at least nt to let mi feel tt i'm a gone case..

i'm lost..

i lose n i never win..

i'm juz a loser who juz dun wan to die bt keep losin n gettin pain in my heart..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Friday, May 11
# 5:40 PM

today is the same as other days

bt today i waited for her for a long long time. waitin for reply..

she said she called b4 leave house, reach sch.. she cant get to mi..

i din get them showed on my hp.

ard 1 pm i sms her..

5 plus, i cant wait anymore i called.. she JUZ end her MATCH(badminton) so i hang aft awhile n sms her.. she say she juz receive both sms at the same time *the one i juz send now n the one i send at 1pm*

she say she is tired.. so i juz say cuz she take so many tings at a time.. aft sch at 12 straight need to go guitar club(cca) den aft tt rush for badminton(cca) aft tt rush for night class til 10pm..

who on earth wont get tired.. den aft i said tt she say she is stress den aft i say tt she say i makin her more stress.. if i dun concern abt u for god sake i say it..

i noe its nt ur fault for nt contactin mi. nor its my fault for cant get to u for u r busy..

so how to solve the problem? i dunno.. sigh.. all u wan is make full use of ur time.. ya.. all ur other stuff, study, cca.. where m i? 100% of ur time i tink i'm onli 5%.. one whole week onli meet u on friday for dinner? dun count sat.. cuz both of us r busy with task.. practice singin.. OMI dun allow us team up too.. so.. sigh..

its hard to survive.. bt i have to learn.. juz hope u get it n stop takin so much tings at a time.. nt for mi.. bt for urself.. if u wan to take so many, den face it.. dun complaint stress or tired.. once awhile is alright bt nt always all i hear from u is stress stress stress..

stress = ppl give themselves.. so if u can manage ur things n time.. u wont feel stress.. u will b rather enjoyin..

i'm hungry.. tis is juz my feelin.. if u dun like den dun come my blog.. if wan noe mi more den come often.. bt i dun update daily.. like mi for who i m. dun like mi for who i m.. if u can take it den we can b friends if nt lets build the fences.. its juz mi.. i m who i m.. the free styler.. Tsuki..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Thursday, May 10
# 5:27 PM

today woke up late.. heard sis say "i leavin home for work le"
i sit up immediately, n its 745.. my class start 800

rush to bath n prepare, leave home by 820 i tink or 830.
half way to sch at JE someone tap my shoulder, its was KangJian, my 12 years friend..

finally reach sch. rush to class. open door, lecturer look at mi den continue his lesson. i sit down listen.
he give us 5 min to read for out Quiz den mi n Huiming quarrel. hated her since the first day of sch.. she is so arg.. she juz dunno wat is resposibility n how to control her mouth.. always make ppl angry..
so we quarrel abt she change the class lesson from 1pm-3pm to 8am to 10am without askin the whole class. she onli ask afew n say most wan tt time.. bt dun she noe tt if there is 1 objection den the agreement is over? n she change without informin anyone.. if nt sunder call to confirm, we all noe it.

anyway so we went to the next 2 tutorial.. bored as usual, talk abit with kong, leong, yien, shiva n david.. guys talk haha. talkin abt cock.. so i say we literally talk cock.. lol

5 min b4 class end, someone called mi. i feel is dear.. bt i sms her she cant reply n i cant call out.. sigh. miss her so much.. so aft which mi, leong n edward went to holland V to buy my clothes.. $5 haha to ppl its cheap bt now to mi is expansive T_T anyway den acc edward to eat.. cuz he acc mi buy clothes? haha they juz stand outside the shop like wat normal guys do n i like the lady inside the shop. =.=;;

den walk to train station like i use to when i work there.. with leong we go home..

did nth much at home.. bath in cold water cuz weather hot like hell~
dl anime? help xiaopang(wei) find n dl chinese songs
n chat with edward, wei, leong..

5pm.. i called dear.. she is buyin dinner.. bt feel she like dun wan mi call at tt time.. she sound so busy.. busy with ppl ard her.. i dunno its juz my feelin.. it may nt b true..

i miss her alot.. she havin night lesson later.. T_T i feel kinda lost everyday.. bit by bit.. thou she say she miss mi too.. bt.. mayb cuz i miss her alot tts y feel lonely n sad.. dear i miss u i need u..

i love u, do u love mi too?

wish for tis month~
*wish can meet up with dear more or perhaps ASAP.. miss her alot alot alot..
*electric bass + amp!!! $160~~~ where can i get the $$ so i can train on my bass T_T
*pass my tests n study hard? hope so~
*sing well for KHK.. oso hope so~
*feel hungry~ nth suits my taste nowadays.. n i got no $$ to eat other food T_T

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Monday, May 7
# 1:51 PM

i somehow start askin who i m..

actions i done is nt wat i suppose to do..

some words for myself

- stop tellin ppl wat to do n let them do wat they wan to do.. who r u to command them?
- stop being so emotional in ur relationship n b a man tt take it with great heart..
- wats urs will forever b urs so juz stop protectin it so hard as if its nt urs

*stand up again aft u fall.. dun give up*
*even when everyone calls u a loser, continue to strive on n fly someday.. dun give up*
*in tis world theres nth impossible unless u give up on tryin.. dun give up*
*failure hurts.. bt overcome it n learn from mistake, start again.. dun give up*

i have talk lesser n lesser to the moon aft i move to tis new house.. cuz my room cant see moon anymore.. its onli when i walk home den i can see.

who m i?

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Wednesday, May 2
# 2:21 PM

who m i?
i no longer noe.

wat i wan?
all i need is u.

why is that so?
i love u, bt i dunno if u feel the same as mi.

where i wish to belong?
in ur heart.

when do i start feelin down?
right now.

how m i goin to solve the problem?
dun tink too much n things will nt hurt as much.

; wings of hope where are you?___`