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Sunday, May 13
# 10:45 AM

ok starts with friday night

i went n meet up with dear. thou she dun call mi darr in her blog anymore. bt i juz wan anyone to noe she is my dear.. we eat n hang out at rockey master.. was nt a nice time to go there tt time. for she dun seems to b enjoyin.. n we have a small arguement.. den we went off n she go play guitar.. den we go home..

sat.. KHK.. bad day.. wear wrong things at wrong time.. damn hot.. bt was happy to b with dear on tt day.. thou i dunno how she feels n things..

today... sunday.. tis mother's day + my sis bdae.. my mum is nt ard so we din celebrate tt bt i goin to meet my sis later.. i juz read dear's blog..

tink i shall juz dun read anymore. everytime i read i got sad n heartache.. there is onli praise of other guys ard her.. her cca n stuff.. feel i never better den them.. i do feel so too.. i never better then anyone. n we slowly drift further for we got no time to meet. n she have her time most with her sch mates.. even the cca ppl she oso got one afternoon with them.. onli meet mi when she is tired n we cant talk much.. sigh.. tink i will lose her to some guys tt hang ard with her someday.. cuz they can talk more see each other more.. get to noe each other more.. there is a pharse in chinese sayin tt as time goes by the love grows.. mi n her seldom meet up cuz no time.. bt if this is wat suppose to b den i can do nth abt it.. i try to meet up bt she have no time..

i nt givin her stress.. juz feel if really can.. den have sometime with mi? bt i dun tink i can give her as good as wat others gives.. hate it.. i'm juz lousy..

cant give her freedom.. cant make her happy.. cant tis cant tt..

sigh.. all i wry is losin her n her loves..

will she ever noe? i juz wan a fair treatment.. i wish to b hang ard her blogs n lips to b praise abt.. bt nt shane or the badminton guy.. how to serve in badminton i oso can teach her.. juz i dun tink she will say things with a "yays" at the back of her sentence if i'm the one goin to teach her..

I M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH..... feel damn sad... how will u feel if ur partner is happy with others bt nt u.. u feel being pushed down.. how will u feel if ur partner praise other guys instead of u? u feel sad.. argggg guess i will get to my long past self.. the silent self.. juz keep all my tis type of things to myself or rather write on blog.. n dun care who read it..

tis is juz how i feel.. tts all if u understand u will do somethings abt it bt nt run away.. bt if u tink tt u dun have to change den its ok.. juz let it b.. i dun wan to force.. i dun wan a struggling relationship.. i juz wan love n care.. nt from outside bt at least nt to let mi feel tt i'm a gone case..

i'm lost..

i lose n i never win..

i'm juz a loser who juz dun wan to die bt keep losin n gettin pain in my heart..

; wings of hope where are you?___`
Zean aka Tsuki
single
10 march 1988