Where will the wing bring me to?

Friday, June 22
# 4:22 AM

kinda make our life screwed up juz now..

its my fault.. i'm sry

went for dance.. met farhan, mizu, wendy n natsu..

actually din dance.. cuz they chat n eat n crap..

anyway.. meet up with bin n xiong..

so both of them + the above 4 + me chats..

den xiong left for changi to fetch his GF

bin stick ard.. haha my friends all can mix ard well.. haha

anyway juz crap all thru out..

slowly 1 by 1 they left..

final is mi, bin, xiong n his GF..

den went home aft crap n nth b crap..

i dun blame her for nt smsin mi.. cuz i noe she got her life n today i made her angry..

hope things will b better soon..

haha n bin~ haha our brotherhood is so strong tt they think we r gay haha..

anyway.. i juz need a day to relax n laugh out loud..

my life suckz.. i rely on others to survive. i cant do things on my own to survive. sigh..

hate it.. hate it hate it.. really hope i can juz disappear.. so i wont b a burden to anyone..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Wednesday, June 20
# 3:38 PM

dunno y..

no matter wat..
no matter wat things i wan.. good or bad..

i can never get it.. sigh..

tts y i always onli can tink n imagine i have the things i wan..
bt in reality i never get wat i wan..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Friday, June 15
# 12:48 AM

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/560476

try it if u wan.. ^_^

; wings of hope where are you?___`

damn fuck.. wats wrong with blogger..

wat i type all gone.. fuck..

anyway i have to retype..

its nt the same as wat i type juz now..

---
i'm childish.. i troublesome.. i'm givin problem..

tink ppl ard mi start to dislike mi.. yet they dun say out..

guess aft all event is done.. i will leave everyone...

for those who dun like mi.. in any way... good news for u all..

i'm confuse n blank in head..

i feel so lonely.. yet.. i cant emo for it cuz ppl to get sick n tired of mi..

diff ppl feel diff at diff time.. so actually u cant blame..

bt i choose to leave..

non understand wat i wan..

non tinks wat i do is right..

let mi be. let mi rot.. let mi die..

god make human individual is for a purpose.. most human is nt stick together..

sigh.. i forgot alot of wat i say.. so juz forget it..

u aint hurtin mi.. its mi who is hurtin myself..

thou u may nt understand my feelin from past til now..

bt its ok.. dun have to.. juz let mi take all the fault..

sry to hurt u .. make u leave mi..

all i noe the best in myself is .. i love u my dear.. u r the onli one i'm so serious in.. love the most.. care the most.. n hurt myself the most for i always make u unhappy n in the end unhappy myself..

i really love u..

really wish i can juz slp n never wake up.. i dun tink anyone would care.. ^_^

take care my friends..

i will leave when it comes..

my girl.. i miss alot.. its u.. n u noe it..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Tuesday, June 12
# 6:19 PM

y does she always flare at mi..

cant ppl made mistake?

cant ppl say anger words?

y is she so bias against mi?

cuz i hurt her? cuz i din change?

wats wrong.. y everything i do is equal to wrong..

sigh..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

tis is a song which i find it meaningful.. i dunno how to upload the Vid i have..
bt below is the lyrics.. its a japanese song.. translated by my friend Haruko..

hope tis song will bring my heart with it..

~Sayonara~ (Farewell)

The moon is pretty isn't it
It casts a spell over the night.
From the light of the town,
It shines upon the two who escaped

Meeting to talk in a dream
The two adults are laughing
To entrust oneself to the night
To the see of the swimming stars

The limited time
As if being devoured
On ashore at night with no one around.
So that you'll not notice
That which I have decided in my heart

farewell

When I'm with you,
it's as if I'm always smiling
Thank you

Only if time could stop
At where we are

Little by little we separate
Without sound
Stealing the two's footsteps
Like a wave
Your warmth
And your voice
And even that smile of yours
I believed that it would have continued forever
For... forever

Farewell

Hold me even tighter
Face me
Smile and say that it's all a lie

I can still forgive
I will also cry for you
I remember your warmth
With my right hand, farewell

The time at which,
Your face becomes a memory,
The time at which I face forward and keep on walking,
and the time at which we call that love

; wings of hope where are you?___`

read tru my own blog.. its all abt emotional stuff..

bt tis is where i can post all my feelin out.. i have no one to talk to like b4..

she is busy.. n hardly reply my sms.. she overuse hers.. she have her life.. her friends n stuff..

even thou she feels i dun say my feelin to her.. bt always when i'm with her.. i have said my feelin out..

i dunno..

feel more n more lonely n confuse..

perhaps i should juz let it b.. see how things turns out.. even if she go for another guy.. i cant say anything..

Today at home did totally nth.. juz sit down n stare into space.. life became so meaninless. lifeless..

i dunno y i'm so.. bt.. juz dun wanna move..

losin someone u love alot is very sad..

-= there is always rainbow aft rain =-

where is my rainbow.. i cant find it yet..

i wonder if someday she might come back to mi..

jus wondering..

bt after tinkin.. i dun tink she will.. cuz she wan freedom.. she wan friends.. she always say we dun suit each other.. sigh..

i noe i cant take it if i see her with another guy.. bt i have to if tt really happen..

juz feel sad..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Sunday, June 10
# 12:59 AM

Zest..

alot had happen..

i cant do a thing bt to face it..

failed my prac.. theory comin, damn tired yet need to study n cant study..

.. Read her blog.. perhaps i tink too much again.. however its her blog.. i cant say much..

shane.. shengli.. y m i so sensitive to guys ard her.. thou i noe i dun like it in heart.. i cant say out.. or rather i will control nt to say out..

*then nevermind, worst still,shengli even saw mi cried lor DAMNED !*
*demo ne, i felt alot better when shengli came over and said"aiyah, first test only. dun think so much"it really made mi feel better .*

tis sentence for mi.. i read it as she have some crush on him, or rather feelin for him.. if nt y would a lady write so.. ^_^

*sigh. when shane called mi to ask mi my marks,i din want to answer himbut when he forced mi to,*
*when i finally stopped the tears,shane came over and consolled us*
*shane's ice cream :x*

y can he force u yet i cant? haha ^_^

alot.. i dun understand.. bt wat can i do.. nth..

nth can stay with mi forever.. even i wish she can b the one..
however i tink.. she have found better ones.. haha..

have u realise tt i dun talk abt friends?
answer is i dun really hang out with friend.. n my friends.. ya they r call friends.. how many really noe abt mi?

i somehow really wish i can care yet somehow wish i can dun care..

KHK have become stressin.. no one really care abt how i feel anyway.. to them.. i'm actin in irresponsible tinkin..

have to dance out my stress, my saddness.. n alot.. who noes? no one..

i love her.. so i tink i have to learn to let go.. mayb tt 2 guys or some others in the future can give her better love n life.. those life she likes.. i'm juz some unless one tt cant give her wat she wans or understand her.. nt ard her side 24/7 or rather her friends is beside her more den mi.. ha.. eventually i will lose out.. bt does anyone noe tt? haha.. stress.. she feels when being with mi.. i feel sad hearin tt.. bt stil.. like i say.. wat can i do.. i cant change her feelin or her way of thinkin abt other ppl.. ^_^

learn to let go.. if she is urs.. she will learn to cherish u.. learn to look n understand u.. take the initiative to quietly learn more abt u.. b ur listenin ears instead of tellin u her.. its a fair world..
when u r nt as good or better den others.. u lose out..

if she tink others r better.. in talkin to her. console her.. or watever it is.. let it b.. there will b someday she will appreciate u or... other will appreciate u..

its juz life.. live on if u cant.. die when u really need to..

i'm nth.. juz a saddist in smiling face.. its hard to understand mi afterall..

; wings of hope where are you?___`

Tuesday, June 5
# 8:42 PM

tis is juz some dairy for myself nt for anyone to read....

i dunno y...

i started to quietly walk towards the dark side unknowinly

i'll juz try to write wat i can remember from my head..

- i dun trust ppl for ppl betrayed mi -
seen too much betrayer to start really trust anyone alot.. little trust mayb there..
-i trust u alot.. do u noe tt? i dun trust the guys ard u -

its when u noe ppl ard u r better den u, like stranger, friends, close friends, good buddy..
its time u will feel tt ur girlfriend might get snatch away by them..
even thou she tell u she wont leave u.. u trust her.. bt the guys ard her.. they r stil threat. its nt like u can kill them all.. or they will juz vanish into the air.. they can provide her with the things she wants n need.. bt u cant.. u cant.. how do u expect nt to lose self confidence?... when u r in tis state.. nth will run in ur head except "protect watever u have n dun lose them"..

DO YOU NOE THE FEELIN OF FEARIN OF LOSIN THING U LOVE????

i start to become possesive, selfish n doubt others especially my GF.. y?? cuz there r some guys ard her.. thou they din do anything to her.. bt.. i'm afriad of losin.. i dun wan to lose her..

i'm juz nt good enough..

everyone love competition.. they like to challenge each other.. bt have u tot of those who lose? how will they feel?

mayb u wan ur freedom.. bt will u come to mi sometime n continue on.. so i wont feel neglected?

do u noe 1 week.. its so hard to see u or meet u.. u r mostly in sch or at home.. with study, friends n family..

all i ask for is juz sms which take u onli 1-3 min.. is it really so hard? hard to contact?

too long din contact or have communication.. love will fade.. thou u may tink wont.. bt actual fact is yes it will..

under friends differnt tinkin.. different influence.. do u even noe u have change or nt.. u wont noe.. onli ppl ard u noe.. those who influence will b happier for u have become one of them..

lovin someone is hard.. u need communication, trust n love of cuz

do u realise right now.. wats in ur eyes is tt i'm naggy, i'm restrictin u.. bt do u noe tt u r takin things over serious?
its nt as bad as wat u tink..

do u noe ur sudden change of care n attention.. makes mi alone?

study u say.. can devote to mi.. dun have time.. bt y do u stil have time with ur friend?? y stil can online n stuck on blog or watever n slp late? chat with friends n stuff? y? all tis time.. cant u send mi a sms? its juz a sms...

I"M SELFISH I"M POSSESIVE!!

*smack myself*

my onli light have start to fade.. mayb cuz i took too much of the energy..

its fadin..

Zest Jester is my friend, my imaginary friend.. wonder if he can help mi b strong..

; wings of hope where are you?___`