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Monday, July 30
# 2:17 AM

i start to dislike myself..

i dunno y.. i always tink lowly abt myself..
however.. its the fact tt i'm nt good..

i expect too muhc..
too demandin..
too selfish..
too attention seekin..
too much tis too much tt..

i dunno..

whenever i get something i wan.. i will b greedy n wan more..

somehow there r more things.. bt i dunno how to say out.. bt i noe myself tt i'm bad.

i dun tink anyone can accept who i m..

its really hard to..

i wont give excuse like stress or wat.. bt.. its really stressin..

i tink some ppl ard mi.. dislike mi for who i m.. or things i do.. or did..
ppl heard story abt mi.. see mi in person n stuff.. sure i believe will have ppl dislike abt mi.. bt i cant do anything to stop them from disliking mi..

friends ard mi noe abit of my difficulty n try to help.. however.. it made mi feel even worst.. feel i'm being pity.. being look down..

thou they say.. sometime in life.. a human need help from others.. bt i dunno.. i feel really bad.. feel hurt too.. thou helpin mi cut away the trouble at tt moment.. bt aft being helped.. i feel more uncomfortable for i "owe" them..

sigh.. i dunno.. i seriously dunno wat is right n wrong to do.. accept help or dun..

being too selfish too.. arg.. i wish i can understand wats goin on.. n find a solution to save myself..

y m i so uesless.. so weak.. so........

PPL dun try to pity mi cuz i say out stuff like tis.. or get angry cuz of tis too..
i juz need place to shout out.. ... ... gomen ne...

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Saturday, July 28
# 12:51 PM

is it i expected too much? or my friends dun understand mi?

m i selfish?

friends.. non noe wats in mi.. even thou i say out.. theres no use..
i dun say out.. they keep askin wat, why n stuff..
do u really tink on my side when i say my stuff? or u juz hear it out n go away?

i rather aft u hear, if u cant help.. juz let mi noe.. "hey sry.. aft hearin i realise i cant help.." rather den.. juz walk away witout sayin anything ya?

guess i expect too much..

thou i need friends.. bt i tink i'm stil born alone.. n shall walk on alone..

sometime i really juz wish i can dun care anything n everything n died..

i'm selfish i expect.. i'm a asshole..

friends.. something i tink is impt since young.. dun seems to b there for mi anymore as i grow.. i guess.. tis is the cruel side of the world..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Wednesday, July 25
# 12:24 AM

stressful..

its very stressful..

studies, friends, family, life..

y is everything crushin on mi..

to ppl who hates mi.. dislike mi.. its a good news to u..

let mi drop dead will u.. god..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Friday, July 13
# 1:33 AM

to her i'm a liar..

bt i'm nt.. in the past i do treat her the most impt, the girl i love the most..

always when things happen i try to pull her back.. she go cold on mi..
she ignore mi treat mi cold.. goes to her friends..

she once told mi.. she need friends.. when i need her she oso say she need friends..
she ask mi to go.. i dun wan to.. bt she goes cold to mi agian.. for quite long..

i once ask myself.. how m i goin to survive without her..
no matter how i try to get hr back in the past.. she juz shove mi away..

i believe we can b together if we can accept each other.. she cant accept mi..

i'm juz a liar.. a guy who take away her everything..
i'm juz a bastard.. bt have she tot abt it.. i try to hold back.. who pushes mi away..

i try to b there for her.. bt she always is other guys name in her mouth when she talk abt comfortin n make her smile.. where m i?

to her.. i'm a flirt.. yea.. perhaps.. to her i always b with friends.. yea.. perhaps.. watever she says.. it muz b right..

whenever i say something.. she will go the other way.. n in the end i will give to her.. if nt she will juz ignore or goes silent with black face..

where is our communication? where is the care u once had.. aft u got ur friends.. where m i in ur heart? u said i always in ur heart.. i believe..

i stick on.. to no avail.. onli to get push away..

i understand its the same for urside..

so i tink i respect wat u say.. go our way n get out life..

i did as wat u ask mi to..

i juz did wat u wan.. so u will b happy..

cuz we cant communicate.. tts y alot of misunderstandin.. alot of unhappiness came..



i tink.. we remain as friend.. n start to noe each other again n accept who we r..

relationship is impossible if both side cant communicate..
a long term relationship needs that..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Thursday, July 12
# 1:21 AM

11th july wednesday

tiring day.. day as per normal.. meet up for dance
talk with friends..
got back home.. find out tt my fan is spoil.. so it wil b a damn bloody hot night..
read my sch letter sayin i need to pay $100 to sum up my sch fees..

---

read her blog..

since she got so many friends ard her..
gettin close to other guys like some sort of couple.. y stil tink abt mi..
m i juz some spare guy who she come to when no other guys she can find?
since she havin such good time with Andy, shane n others.. den y stil care much abt mi?
cant we juz b normal friend since she cant hold herself from goin towards guys n tink of mi aft tt?
y nt juz go for tt guy tt treat u best.. rather den livin in the past n rant abt it..
Hate andy most? i tink its juz an excuse.. wake up n look at the world..

ever since tt day u start to show no feelin towards mi.. i have already noe tt it wont last.. n in ur sch sure got something on.. its juz wat i tot..
guess aft i left.. things works out well for u..

all i can say is.. let b friends.. n juz friends.. b who u r.. n i b who i m..
go find ur mister perfect.. n i'll find my mine..

live life individually bt stil as friend.. chat n talk or meet up for coffee..

dun tie urself too much to the past.. wats gone is gone.. wats urs is urs..

juz let things goes naturally n see how it goes..

if like someone or care or watever feelin u have for tt person.. juz say it straight.. dun expect ppl to b god.. no one will noe wats in ur mind..

learn n u will get a better life..

elie b strong n b who u r.. let things go.. its better to have friend den to create more enermy.. gambatte in ur life.. friend forever..
hate mi if u wan.. bt dun hate anyone who is related to mi..

--

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Wednesday, July 11
# 1:11 AM

I'M
-poor-
-stupid-
-lazy-
-pervertic-
-bad temper-
-short-
-ugly-
-talk to ppl ard mi bt might neglect some-
-cant save up-
-spend alot on food til broke n cant go out-
-nt a outing person cuz no cash-

currently can onli tink of so..

Advise to girl.. if u wan to like mi.. first accept who i m.. if nt dun ever try to like mi.. u will onli get hurt..

Advise to friend.. haha, u wan mi as ur friend.. den u have to beware.. same goes.. accept mi for who i m..

thank you..



+now i'm eatin noodles..hungry

went for dance practice..
meet tama, lirin, farhan, suki, farhana, mizu
tired..
aft which

went to meet friends
chat.. eat donut (yea donut)..

they r so funny bunch of ppl~ +

*read her blog.. simply wish she is happy with her current life.. its wat she wants so i respect her n give her.. good luck my friend.. there is someone better out there for u.. i'm nt good enough.. care, Zean*

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Tuesday, July 10
# 3:11 PM

ytd had dance practice.. was tired since mornin.. so wasnt in a hyper mood, sry ppl~

tis mornin wake up late.. so went to wash up..
start to vomit.. n tummy ache like hell..

handphone n housephone keep ringin.. cant pick up..
my leg injury is nt givin way..

today is juz a sucky day..
no cash go see doc.. thou dun tink needed for now..

cant go sch to do my lab test.. leong did it for our group of 2 alone..

i feel damn bad.. sigh.. wats wrong with my freakin life.. y cant i juz have some peaceful life..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Saturday, July 7
# 11:27 PM

Nagai aida matasete gomen
Mata kyuu ni shigoto ga haitta
Itsumo issho ni irarenakute
Sabishii omoi wo saseta ne

Aenai toki juwaki kara kikoeru
Kimi no koe ga kasureteru
Hissashiburi ni atta toki no
Kimi no egao ga mune wo saratte iku

Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Anata no sono kotoba dake wo shinjite
Kyou made matte ita watashi
Egao dake wa wasurenai youni
Anata no soba ni itai kara

Waratteru anata no soba de wa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai
Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Waratteru anata no soba dewa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai
Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Waratteru anata no soba dewa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai

<>

I'm sorry for making you wait such a long time.
Work came up suddenly again.
Always being unable to be together
I know I've made you feel lonely.

At the times when we can't meet
your voice cracks over the telephone.
The smile on your face that time when we met after so long
Tugs at my chest.

I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I can't imagine myself saying those words!

Trusting only in that thing you said
I've been waiting until today.
I pray I won't forget how to smile,
Because I want to be with you

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!
I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I just can't say it!

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!
I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I just can't say it!

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!

; wings of hope where are you?___`


friday..

went sch.. tired.. haha so slp in class.. talk crap with friends..
so funny.. first is Kong slp.. den i start to slp.. den sunder start to slp
mi n my friends~ haha

anyway i failed most of my test.. shucks..

aft sch.. i went out den night meet up mizu, salad, farhan, wendy n tama
we went to sato house.. haha its a fun night.. drinkin~~ lol
yea.. we have fun laughin n crapping.. den near mornin.. wendy, tama n mizu
went off first wit cab.. so left mi farhan n salad at sato places..
we play game like during the night, slp awhile.. chat.. ate pizza..
mizu is have cosplay today.. haha..

anyway i'm tired.. yawn.. i'll try update more~ haha

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Thursday, July 5
# 4:21 PM

wednesday.. as usual went to meet farhan n crew for dance practice..

met at the esplanade open space.. saw afew other malay dancers there.. lol they look gay.. sry i nt insultin malays.. its juz them who look gay..

anyway.. we dance n sweat like always.. den went to eat at MS food court..

while walkin to there.. we were like "WTH".. saw a lady who wear a super ultra short skirt la.. pls la.. OMG..

anyway.. we went up.. den met up with salad.. haah.. den we eat.. cuz i'm broke.. farhan treat mi dinner.. thanks man..

den we went to chat again.. haha.. i juz love all this chattin session.. haha..

oh ya~~

i dream abt farhan, salad, mizu, yati, erfa.. n i dunno who le..

its a zombies dream. haha.. i kinda forget how it goes.. bt its funny n exciting..

; wings of hope where are you?___`


Tuesday, July 3
# 8:54 PM

Romantic Seme
Romantic Seme
Take Are you a Seme or an Uke? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You are the lowest level seme. A true gentlemen, don't even think of approaching the Badass Uke unless you want your ass kicked. You're safest sticking with a partner who is gentle and can appreciate your mature, loving ways and protective nature. Most often found with a handful of roses and wine, you are committed to your partner and their happiness, which makes you a perfect match for the Innocent Uke. Now you can get pins of your result here.

; wings of hope where are you?___`


alot of things happened.. bt i guess they r past..
happy or sad.. all is past.. lets nt get on to it so much.. sometime its juz misunderstandin..

-
anyway.. KHK is over.. a sad things to say.. cuz KHK is like the a family of friends.. laughtin together.. n stuff..

everyone did great on tt day.. thou i may b fakin violin for u.. bt i was actually listenin to u singin..
the song which u choose cuz i wish u could sing it.. thank you.. u did really great.. see u practice so hard everytime.. n u really did a great preformance..

anyway.. i sudden tot of tt IRC guy.. forgot his name.. ur fan guy. haha..

ok.. anyway haha today.. tuesday 03/07/07.. i very unlucky.. i burn my tight cuz my juz cook noodles fall n the hot soup fell on my leg.. the most stupid stuff i did was to clean up the mess b4 tendin to my wound.. haha..

cuz i scared get scold.. n dun like the oily mess.. sigh..

anyway.. i realise.. love someone for who he/she is.. bt nt wat u expect.. thou they can change abit for u.. bt rememeber its onli abit.. if nt its nt who they r anymore.. so.. i guess.. if fate really wan to link us together.. perhaps in the future it might happen.. hope we can understand each other or perhaps accept each other for who they r..
if fate is nt linkin us. den i will pray n wish u can get a better boyfriend who will cherish n love u more den i do~ ^_^ best wishes for u right now.. lets b ourself n enjoy life while its stil there..

note to anyone who read my blog.. take good care..

for girls.. look out for perverts or take care.. all round take care lol.. i very precaution..

for guys.. if u got bad temper.. den go change.. i dun wan see any fight or quarrel or wat shit among my friends.. so juz take care..

hmm i shall end here..

; wings of hope where are you?___`
Zean aka Tsuki
single
10 march 1988