(^=- Shirobane -=^)

i always have no title for my post

2007-08-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

time pass real fast..
its exam again..
din study much..
worried.. bt its my own bad for nt studyin..

thanks to friends like leong, kong, sunder, edward, david n others..
especially leong, kong n edward.. they helped mi alot..

hopefully SLEKZ can stick together til end of our Diplo..

i dunno wats wrong wit mi recently.. mood swing damn badly.. guess i shall stop smokin..
or rather.. perhaps.. aft exam.. take some time to tink abt wats goin on with mi.. hopefully i can find a answer..

goal in life.. doesn have any yet.. i seriously dunno wat i want.. always tink abt it n it went blank..

i'm nt good at anything as in particularly good at anything..
no skills no knowledge..
dance? photography? drawin? all r juz interest..
i haven see the world yet.. thou i always tot i do..

sigh.. feelin down actually..
bt i tink i muz tink of a way to cheer up.. dun wish mizzy to wry for mi again..
she is tryin so hard yet.. i'm like tt..

k shall end here today.. if nt ppl will start killin mi with words again

2007-08-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

SERIOUSLY.. ppl.. pls delete my blog from urs ok? or ppl who read my blog pls stop..
i dunno how to make it private n i dun wan to waste paper to write like little girl -dear diary- all i wish is someplace for mi to write down my feelin..

i dunno.. comments will do nth to mi.. i'm juz a selfish person.. like to have idea on my own n dun share.. or perhaps things keep in n dun say out.. hmm

gues i should find place to drop my feelin again..

have been very tired recently..
tink should cut down on goin out n late slps..

today.. study at home.. feel so bored.. bt have to study.. tryin hard to..
talk to yati.. try out trickster..

salad nt at home, he din reply mi..
nt much ppl care much abt mi.. anyway dun tink they wan to either.. tis juz boring to care for someone like mi.. haha..

anyway.. miss my penguin alot.. cant put words to discribe how i feel.. hmm..

today is very bored n lonely..

hmm.. guess i have found out my cravings..

1) ramen~ hur hur hur
2) cakes n coffee.. when got cash lets go some cafes~
3) finger foods from Old Chang Kee(tink i spell correct)
4) drinks + chips.. slacks n laughter with friends..

currently tis is all..

target of the year..

-DS lite
-CF
-watch of my favourite colour n look cool
-eoy ( taian's group)
-pass my exams
-try to save or earn so money
-peaceful life..

tink currently is like tt oso.. hmm..

2007-08-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

i'm always leadin a happy go lucky life..

bt things have been crashin down..

its too much for mi to take it..

thou i stil smile n live on..

i stil being myself..

bt even a man will shed a tear..

even a man have their weak side..

2007-07-30T02:17:00.000+08:00

i start to dislike myself..

i dunno y.. i always tink lowly abt myself..
however.. its the fact tt i'm nt good..

i expect too muhc..
too demandin..
too selfish..
too attention seekin..
too much tis too much tt..

i dunno..

whenever i get something i wan.. i will b greedy n wan more..

somehow there r more things.. bt i dunno how to say out.. bt i noe myself tt i'm bad.

i dun tink anyone can accept who i m..

its really hard to..

i wont give excuse like stress or wat.. bt.. its really stressin..

i tink some ppl ard mi.. dislike mi for who i m.. or things i do.. or did..
ppl heard story abt mi.. see mi in person n stuff.. sure i believe will have ppl dislike abt mi.. bt i cant do anything to stop them from disliking mi..

friends ard mi noe abit of my difficulty n try to help.. however.. it made mi feel even worst.. feel i'm being pity.. being look down..

thou they say.. sometime in life.. a human need help from others.. bt i dunno.. i feel really bad.. feel hurt too.. thou helpin mi cut away the trouble at tt moment.. bt aft being helped.. i feel more uncomfortable for i "owe" them..

sigh.. i dunno.. i seriously dunno wat is right n wrong to do.. accept help or dun..

being too selfish too.. arg.. i wish i can understand wats goin on.. n find a solution to save myself..

y m i so uesless.. so weak.. so........

PPL dun try to pity mi cuz i say out stuff like tis.. or get angry cuz of tis too..
i juz need place to shout out.. ... ... gomen ne...

2007-07-28T12:51:00.000+08:00

is it i expected too much? or my friends dun understand mi?

m i selfish?

friends.. non noe wats in mi.. even thou i say out.. theres no use..
i dun say out.. they keep askin wat, why n stuff..
do u really tink on my side when i say my stuff? or u juz hear it out n go away?

i rather aft u hear, if u cant help.. juz let mi noe.. "hey sry.. aft hearin i realise i cant help.." rather den.. juz walk away witout sayin anything ya?

guess i expect too much..

thou i need friends.. bt i tink i'm stil born alone.. n shall walk on alone..

sometime i really juz wish i can dun care anything n everything n died..

i'm selfish i expect.. i'm a asshole..

friends.. something i tink is impt since young.. dun seems to b there for mi anymore as i grow.. i guess.. tis is the cruel side of the world..

2007-07-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

stressful..

its very stressful..

studies, friends, family, life..

y is everything crushin on mi..

to ppl who hates mi.. dislike mi.. its a good news to u..

let mi drop dead will u.. god..

2007-07-13T01:33:00.000+08:00

to her i'm a liar..

bt i'm nt.. in the past i do treat her the most impt, the girl i love the most..

always when things happen i try to pull her back.. she go cold on mi..
she ignore mi treat mi cold.. goes to her friends..

she once told mi.. she need friends.. when i need her she oso say she need friends..
she ask mi to go.. i dun wan to.. bt she goes cold to mi agian.. for quite long..

i once ask myself.. how m i goin to survive without her..
no matter how i try to get hr back in the past.. she juz shove mi away..

i believe we can b together if we can accept each other.. she cant accept mi..

i'm juz a liar.. a guy who take away her everything..
i'm juz a bastard.. bt have she tot abt it.. i try to hold back.. who pushes mi away..

i try to b there for her.. bt she always is other guys name in her mouth when she talk abt comfortin n make her smile.. where m i?

to her.. i'm a flirt.. yea.. perhaps.. to her i always b with friends.. yea.. perhaps.. watever she says.. it muz b right..

whenever i say something.. she will go the other way.. n in the end i will give to her.. if nt she will juz ignore or goes silent with black face..

where is our communication? where is the care u once had.. aft u got ur friends.. where m i in ur heart? u said i always in ur heart.. i believe..

i stick on.. to no avail.. onli to get push away..

i understand its the same for urside..

so i tink i respect wat u say.. go our way n get out life..

i did as wat u ask mi to..

i juz did wat u wan.. so u will b happy..

cuz we cant communicate.. tts y alot of misunderstandin.. alot of unhappiness came..

i tink.. we remain as friend.. n start to noe each other again n accept who we r..

relationship is impossible if both side cant communicate..
a long term relationship needs that..

2007-07-12T01:21:00.000+08:00

11th july wednesday

tiring day.. day as per normal.. meet up for dance
talk with friends..
got back home.. find out tt my fan is spoil.. so it wil b a damn bloody hot night..
read my sch letter sayin i need to pay $100 to sum up my sch fees..

---

read her blog..

since she got so many friends ard her..
gettin close to other guys like some sort of couple.. y stil tink abt mi..
m i juz some spare guy who she come to when no other guys she can find?
since she havin such good time with Andy, shane n others.. den y stil care much abt mi?
cant we juz b normal friend since she cant hold herself from goin towards guys n tink of mi aft tt?
y nt juz go for tt guy tt treat u best.. rather den livin in the past n rant abt it..
Hate andy most? i tink its juz an excuse.. wake up n look at the world..

ever since tt day u start to show no feelin towards mi.. i have already noe tt it wont last.. n in ur sch sure got something on.. its juz wat i tot..
guess aft i left.. things works out well for u..

all i can say is.. let b friends.. n juz friends.. b who u r.. n i b who i m..
go find ur mister perfect.. n i'll find my mine..

live life individually bt stil as friend.. chat n talk or meet up for coffee..

dun tie urself too much to the past.. wats gone is gone.. wats urs is urs..

juz let things goes naturally n see how it goes..

if like someone or care or watever feelin u have for tt person.. juz say it straight.. dun expect ppl to b god.. no one will noe wats in ur mind..

learn n u will get a better life..

elie b strong n b who u r.. let things go.. its better to have friend den to create more enermy.. gambatte in ur life.. friend forever..
hate mi if u wan.. bt dun hate anyone who is related to mi..

--

2007-07-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

I'M
-poor-
-stupid-
-lazy-
-pervertic-
-bad temper-
-short-
-ugly-
-talk to ppl ard mi bt might neglect some-
-cant save up-
-spend alot on food til broke n cant go out-
-nt a outing person cuz no cash-

currently can onli tink of so..

Advise to girl.. if u wan to like mi.. first accept who i m.. if nt dun ever try to like mi.. u will onli get hurt..

Advise to friend.. haha, u wan mi as ur friend.. den u have to beware.. same goes.. accept mi for who i m..

thank you..

+now i'm eatin noodles..hungry

went for dance practice..
meet tama, lirin, farhan, suki, farhana, mizu
tired..
aft which

went to meet friends
chat.. eat donut (yea donut)..

they r so funny bunch of ppl~ +

*read her blog.. simply wish she is happy with her current life.. its wat she wants so i respect her n give her.. good luck my friend.. there is someone better out there for u.. i'm nt good enough.. care, Zean*

2007-07-10T15:11:00.000+08:00

ytd had dance practice.. was tired since mornin.. so wasnt in a hyper mood, sry ppl~

tis mornin wake up late.. so went to wash up..
start to vomit.. n tummy ache like hell..

handphone n housephone keep ringin.. cant pick up..
my leg injury is nt givin way..

today is juz a sucky day..
no cash go see doc.. thou dun tink needed for now..

cant go sch to do my lab test.. leong did it for our group of 2 alone..

i feel damn bad.. sigh.. wats wrong with my freakin life.. y cant i juz have some peaceful life..

2007-07-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

Nagai aida matasete gomen
Mata kyuu ni shigoto ga haitta
Itsumo issho ni irarenakute
Sabishii omoi wo saseta ne

Aenai toki juwaki kara kikoeru
Kimi no koe ga kasureteru
Hissashiburi ni atta toki no
Kimi no egao ga mune wo saratte iku

Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Anata no sono kotoba dake wo shinjite
Kyou made matte ita watashi
Egao dake wa wasurenai youni
Anata no soba ni itai kara

Waratteru anata no soba de wa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai
Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Waratteru anata no soba dewa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai
Ki zuita no anata ga konna ni mune no naka ni iru koto
Aishiteru masaka ne sonna koto ienai

Waratteru anata no soba dewa sunao ni nareru no
Aishiteru demo masaka ne sonna koto ienai

<>

I'm sorry for making you wait such a long time.
Work came up suddenly again.
Always being unable to be together
I know I've made you feel lonely.

At the times when we can't meet
your voice cracks over the telephone.
The smile on your face that time when we met after so long
Tugs at my chest.

I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I can't imagine myself saying those words!

Trusting only in that thing you said
I've been waiting until today.
I pray I won't forget how to smile,
Because I want to be with you

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!
I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I just can't say it!

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!
I've realized that you are deep within my heart.
"I love you"-- I just can't say it!

Because when I am with you, laughing, I can open up.
"I love you"-- even so, I can't imagine saying those words aloud!

Night with friends

2007-07-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

friday..

went sch.. tired.. haha so slp in class.. talk crap with friends..
so funny.. first is Kong slp.. den i start to slp.. den sunder start to slp
mi n my friends~ haha

anyway i failed most of my test.. shucks..

aft sch.. i went out den night meet up mizu, salad, farhan, wendy n tama
we went to sato house.. haha its a fun night.. drinkin~~ lol
yea.. we have fun laughin n crapping.. den near mornin.. wendy, tama n mizu
went off first wit cab.. so left mi farhan n salad at sato places..
we play game like during the night, slp awhile.. chat.. ate pizza..
mizu is have cosplay today.. haha..

anyway i'm tired.. yawn.. i'll try update more~ haha

2007-07-05T16:21:00.000+08:00

wednesday.. as usual went to meet farhan n crew for dance practice..

met at the esplanade open space.. saw afew other malay dancers there.. lol they look gay.. sry i nt insultin malays.. its juz them who look gay..

anyway.. we dance n sweat like always.. den went to eat at MS food court..

while walkin to there.. we were like "WTH".. saw a lady who wear a super ultra short skirt la.. pls la.. OMG..

anyway.. we went up.. den met up with salad.. haah.. den we eat.. cuz i'm broke.. farhan treat mi dinner.. thanks man..

den we went to chat again.. haha.. i juz love all this chattin session.. haha..

oh ya~~

i dream abt farhan, salad, mizu, yati, erfa.. n i dunno who le..

its a zombies dream. haha.. i kinda forget how it goes.. bt its funny n exciting..

2007-07-03T20:54:00.001+08:00

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2007-07-03T19:09:00.000+08:00

alot of things happened.. bt i guess they r past..
happy or sad.. all is past.. lets nt get on to it so much.. sometime its juz misunderstandin..

-
anyway.. KHK is over.. a sad things to say.. cuz KHK is like the a family of friends.. laughtin together.. n stuff..

everyone did great on tt day.. thou i may b fakin violin for u.. bt i was actually listenin to u singin..
the song which u choose cuz i wish u could sing it.. thank you.. u did really great.. see u practice so hard everytime.. n u really did a great preformance..

anyway.. i sudden tot of tt IRC guy.. forgot his name.. ur fan guy. haha..

ok.. anyway haha today.. tuesday 03/07/07.. i very unlucky.. i burn my tight cuz my juz cook noodles fall n the hot soup fell on my leg.. the most stupid stuff i did was to clean up the mess b4 tendin to my wound.. haha..

cuz i scared get scold.. n dun like the oily mess.. sigh..

anyway.. i realise.. love someone for who he/she is.. bt nt wat u expect.. thou they can change abit for u.. bt rememeber its onli abit.. if nt its nt who they r anymore.. so.. i guess.. if fate really wan to link us together.. perhaps in the future it might happen.. hope we can understand each other or perhaps accept each other for who they r..
if fate is nt linkin us. den i will pray n wish u can get a better boyfriend who will cherish n love u more den i do~ ^_^ best wishes for u right now.. lets b ourself n enjoy life while its stil there..

note to anyone who read my blog.. take good care..

for girls.. look out for perverts or take care.. all round take care lol.. i very precaution..

for guys.. if u got bad temper.. den go change.. i dun wan see any fight or quarrel or wat shit among my friends.. so juz take care..

hmm i shall end here..

a day out

2007-06-22T04:22:00.000+08:00

kinda make our life screwed up juz now..

its my fault.. i'm sry

went for dance.. met farhan, mizu, wendy n natsu..

actually din dance.. cuz they chat n eat n crap..

anyway.. meet up with bin n xiong..

so both of them + the above 4 + me chats..

den xiong left for changi to fetch his GF

bin stick ard.. haha my friends all can mix ard well.. haha

anyway juz crap all thru out..

slowly 1 by 1 they left..

final is mi, bin, xiong n his GF..

den went home aft crap n nth b crap..

i dun blame her for nt smsin mi.. cuz i noe she got her life n today i made her angry..

hope things will b better soon..

haha n bin~ haha our brotherhood is so strong tt they think we r gay haha..

anyway.. i juz need a day to relax n laugh out loud..

my life suckz.. i rely on others to survive. i cant do things on my own to survive. sigh..

hate it.. hate it hate it.. really hope i can juz disappear.. so i wont b a burden to anyone..

2007-06-20T15:38:00.000+08:00

dunno y..

no matter wat..
no matter wat things i wan.. good or bad..

i can never get it.. sigh..

tts y i always onli can tink n imagine i have the things i wan..
bt in reality i never get wat i wan..

2007-06-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/560476

try it if u wan.. ^_^

2007-06-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

damn fuck.. wats wrong with blogger..

wat i type all gone.. fuck..

anyway i have to retype..

its nt the same as wat i type juz now..

---
i'm childish.. i troublesome.. i'm givin problem..

tink ppl ard mi start to dislike mi.. yet they dun say out..

guess aft all event is done.. i will leave everyone...

for those who dun like mi.. in any way... good news for u all..

i'm confuse n blank in head..

i feel so lonely.. yet.. i cant emo for it cuz ppl to get sick n tired of mi..

diff ppl feel diff at diff time.. so actually u cant blame..

bt i choose to leave..

non understand wat i wan..

non tinks wat i do is right..

let mi be. let mi rot.. let mi die..

god make human individual is for a purpose.. most human is nt stick together..

sigh.. i forgot alot of wat i say.. so juz forget it..

u aint hurtin mi.. its mi who is hurtin myself..

thou u may nt understand my feelin from past til now..

bt its ok.. dun have to.. juz let mi take all the fault..

sry to hurt u .. make u leave mi..

all i noe the best in myself is .. i love u my dear.. u r the onli one i'm so serious in.. love the most.. care the most.. n hurt myself the most for i always make u unhappy n in the end unhappy myself..

i really love u..

really wish i can juz slp n never wake up.. i dun tink anyone would care.. ^_^

take care my friends..

i will leave when it comes..

my girl.. i miss alot.. its u.. n u noe it..

2007-06-12T18:19:00.000+08:00

y does she always flare at mi..

cant ppl made mistake?

cant ppl say anger words?

y is she so bias against mi?

cuz i hurt her? cuz i din change?

wats wrong.. y everything i do is equal to wrong..

sigh..

Sayonara~

2007-06-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

tis is a song which i find it meaningful.. i dunno how to upload the Vid i have..
bt below is the lyrics.. its a japanese song.. translated by my friend Haruko..

hope tis song will bring my heart with it..

~Sayonara~ (Farewell)

The moon is pretty isn't it
It casts a spell over the night.
From the light of the town,
It shines upon the two who escaped

Meeting to talk in a dream
The two adults are laughing
To entrust oneself to the night
To the see of the swimming stars

The limited time
As if being devoured
On ashore at night with no one around.
So that you'll not notice
That which I have decided in my heart

farewell

When I'm with you,
it's as if I'm always smiling
Thank you

Only if time could stop
At where we are

Little by little we separate
Without sound
Stealing the two's footsteps
Like a wave
Your warmth
And your voice
And even that smile of yours
I believed that it would have continued forever
For... forever

Farewell

Hold me even tighter
Face me
Smile and say that it's all a lie

I can still forgive
I will also cry for you
I remember your warmth
With my right hand, farewell

The time at which,
Your face becomes a memory,
The time at which I face forward and keep on walking,
and the time at which we call that love

2007-06-12T14:16:00.000+08:00

read tru my own blog.. its all abt emotional stuff..

bt tis is where i can post all my feelin out.. i have no one to talk to like b4..

she is busy.. n hardly reply my sms.. she overuse hers.. she have her life.. her friends n stuff..

even thou she feels i dun say my feelin to her.. bt always when i'm with her.. i have said my feelin out..

i dunno..

feel more n more lonely n confuse..

perhaps i should juz let it b.. see how things turns out.. even if she go for another guy.. i cant say anything..

Today at home did totally nth.. juz sit down n stare into space.. life became so meaninless. lifeless..

i dunno y i'm so.. bt.. juz dun wanna move..

losin someone u love alot is very sad..

-= there is always rainbow aft rain =-

where is my rainbow.. i cant find it yet..

i wonder if someday she might come back to mi..

jus wondering..

bt after tinkin.. i dun tink she will.. cuz she wan freedom.. she wan friends.. she always say we dun suit each other.. sigh..

i noe i cant take it if i see her with another guy.. bt i have to if tt really happen..

juz feel sad..

alot had happen

2007-06-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

Zest..

alot had happen..

i cant do a thing bt to face it..

failed my prac.. theory comin, damn tired yet need to study n cant study..

.. Read her blog.. perhaps i tink too much again.. however its her blog.. i cant say much..

shane.. shengli.. y m i so sensitive to guys ard her.. thou i noe i dun like it in heart.. i cant say out.. or rather i will control nt to say out..

*then nevermind, worst still,shengli even saw mi cried lor DAMNED !*
*demo ne, i felt alot better when shengli came over and said"aiyah, first test only. dun think so much"it really made mi feel better .*

tis sentence for mi.. i read it as she have some crush on him, or rather feelin for him.. if nt y would a lady write so.. ^_^

*sigh. when shane called mi to ask mi my marks,i din want to answer himbut when he forced mi to,*
*when i finally stopped the tears,shane came over and consolled us*
*shane's ice cream :x*

y can he force u yet i cant? haha ^_^

alot.. i dun understand.. bt wat can i do.. nth..

nth can stay with mi forever.. even i wish she can b the one..
however i tink.. she have found better ones.. haha..

have u realise tt i dun talk abt friends?
answer is i dun really hang out with friend.. n my friends.. ya they r call friends.. how many really noe abt mi?

i somehow really wish i can care yet somehow wish i can dun care..

KHK have become stressin.. no one really care abt how i feel anyway.. to them.. i'm actin in irresponsible tinkin..

have to dance out my stress, my saddness.. n alot.. who noes? no one..

i love her.. so i tink i have to learn to let go.. mayb tt 2 guys or some others in the future can give her better love n life.. those life she likes.. i'm juz some unless one tt cant give her wat she wans or understand her.. nt ard her side 24/7 or rather her friends is beside her more den mi.. ha.. eventually i will lose out.. bt does anyone noe tt? haha.. stress.. she feels when being with mi.. i feel sad hearin tt.. bt stil.. like i say.. wat can i do.. i cant change her feelin or her way of thinkin abt other ppl.. ^_^

learn to let go.. if she is urs.. she will learn to cherish u.. learn to look n understand u.. take the initiative to quietly learn more abt u.. b ur listenin ears instead of tellin u her.. its a fair world..
when u r nt as good or better den others.. u lose out..

if she tink others r better.. in talkin to her. console her.. or watever it is.. let it b.. there will b someday she will appreciate u or... other will appreciate u..

its juz life.. live on if u cant.. die when u really need to..

i'm nth.. juz a saddist in smiling face.. its hard to understand mi afterall..

2007-06-05T20:42:00.000+08:00

tis is juz some dairy for myself nt for anyone to read....

i dunno y...

i started to quietly walk towards the dark side unknowinly

i'll juz try to write wat i can remember from my head..

- i dun trust ppl for ppl betrayed mi -
seen too much betrayer to start really trust anyone alot.. little trust mayb there..
-i trust u alot.. do u noe tt? i dun trust the guys ard u -

its when u noe ppl ard u r better den u, like stranger, friends, close friends, good buddy..
its time u will feel tt ur girlfriend might get snatch away by them..
even thou she tell u she wont leave u.. u trust her.. bt the guys ard her.. they r stil threat. its nt like u can kill them all.. or they will juz vanish into the air.. they can provide her with the things she wants n need.. bt u cant.. u cant.. how do u expect nt to lose self confidence?... when u r in tis state.. nth will run in ur head except "protect watever u have n dun lose them"..

DO YOU NOE THE FEELIN OF FEARIN OF LOSIN THING U LOVE????

i start to become possesive, selfish n doubt others especially my GF.. y?? cuz there r some guys ard her.. thou they din do anything to her.. bt.. i'm afriad of losin.. i dun wan to lose her..

i'm juz nt good enough..

everyone love competition.. they like to challenge each other.. bt have u tot of those who lose? how will they feel?

mayb u wan ur freedom.. bt will u come to mi sometime n continue on.. so i wont feel neglected?

do u noe 1 week.. its so hard to see u or meet u.. u r mostly in sch or at home.. with study, friends n family..

all i ask for is juz sms which take u onli 1-3 min.. is it really so hard? hard to contact?

too long din contact or have communication.. love will fade.. thou u may tink wont.. bt actual fact is yes it will..

under friends differnt tinkin.. different influence.. do u even noe u have change or nt.. u wont noe.. onli ppl ard u noe.. those who influence will b happier for u have become one of them..

lovin someone is hard.. u need communication, trust n love of cuz

do u realise right now.. wats in ur eyes is tt i'm naggy, i'm restrictin u.. bt do u noe tt u r takin things over serious?
its nt as bad as wat u tink..

do u noe ur sudden change of care n attention.. makes mi alone?

study u say.. can devote to mi.. dun have time.. bt y do u stil have time with ur friend?? y stil can online n stuck on blog or watever n slp late? chat with friends n stuff? y? all tis time.. cant u send mi a sms? its juz a sms...

I"M SELFISH I"M POSSESIVE!!

*smack myself*

my onli light have start to fade.. mayb cuz i took too much of the energy..

its fadin..

Zest Jester is my friend, my imaginary friend.. wonder if he can help mi b strong..

i feel..

2007-05-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

Dun read tis if u cant handle ur emotion.. its juz somethings tt i need to spill out if nt i will die..

i feel tt i'm a burden to her..

she might have a better life without mi..

might get a better guy aft mi..

she might smile better without mi..

i feel i'm......sigh...

<>

thou i trust u.. bt its juz hurtin.. aft readin tis sms.. who noes wats between u n him..

if i'm nt ard.. mayb u can have better time n life with him?

yes i dun understand ur life.. wat u told mi is u r busy with sch, cca, KHK, night class, friends n family.. its so general.. do i noe anything else? anything more detail? nope..

yea u will say i din tell u abt my life.. yea i agree.. i din say much abt my life.. cuz wat i do is daze in class tinkin of wat u doin when i dunno wat u doin.. if nt is play game to stop myself from tinkin too much.. other den is study.. wat else can i do when i always tink wat u r doin..

u noe i can tink alot.. from realistic to even imagine.. anything i can tink of..

u n him r juz best friend..

the last time is oso him tt we quarrel.. u delete his msn.. hp no.
bt so wat.. he is ur CLASSMATE, u can get his no. back again.. or better talk in sch together.. when i dun even noe wat else more.. msn u can add him back i wont even noe.. all tis i juz keep quiet cuz i believe u for u say u delete him n wont talk/ contact him.. bt.. tt night u called him.. n next day i got tt sms.. its like.. i'm nt blamin u or wat..

its juz.. u say u nt goin to contact him.. or wat so ever.. or mayb u din say so..

bt i have told u many time.. i dun like the feelin havin him ard.. poet, shane..

bt i tink u juz cant lose tt friend.. u wan him more den wat i tell u abt my feelin..

if nt he will long gone in ur life..

so i tink since i cant live with him ard u.. den perhaps he is a better choice u have found.. someone who u can talk to .. who understand u.. n who everyday same class as u compare to mi.. he can see n be with u more den i do..

hate mi if u wan.. for him u hate mi.. i will have nth to say..

all i can say is i'm nt as good as others.. i'm juz a loser..

if onli..

2007-05-29T18:49:00.000+08:00

if only we can be together 24/7 forever..

if only there are no one there to break us..

if only we only think for each other and sometimes others

if only..

if only..

if only our love is so strong that other people will envy us and not come to destroy us

2007-05-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

ytd, monday 14 may

i very tiring day.. i woke up at the time my alarm rings, very tired..after preparin n everything, i have 10 min to spare so i sit on sofa n rest. den i go sch..

wasnt in mood to listen to lecturer.. break time.. was damn piss by some junior in the foodcourt..juz keep quiet n dun wan say much cuz too tired.. if at tt moment got any slight friction, i will flare n kiss asses..
all the while was quiet.. cuz very tired.. back of my eyes are aching..

aft sch, decided to go meet up dear.. cuz tis week we have hard time meetin.. n i miss her alot.. so i drag myself all the way to parkway parade.. cuz very tired..was hopin tt we wont quarrel.. if nt combine with my tiredness i will have damn bad temper..

however.. we have great time together.. tts wat i heard from her side.. i enjoy n hope she enjoy too..

miss her soooo much..

yea i noe i'm lousy compare to other guys..

i'll juz remain who i m.. theres always someone better den someone other there.. so i will never b better den someone out there..
i juz wan to stay happy with my dear..

i like tis song by good charlotte.. Keep your hands off my girl
haha..
its best tt all guys keep there hands, eyes n thoughts off my girl..bt eyes n thought r impossible.. so..

wishes for today..
wish mi n my dear will b together 4ever.. n ofcuz keep to our plan.. few more years.. ^_^
wish to stay happy with my dear..
wish i can pass my exams..
wish i can faster clear off my sch life..
wish i can have more $$ n better den other guys in all area.. sports, study anything~~

lastly.. i love my dear.. ^_^

2007-05-13T21:51:00.000+08:00

met da jie at Marina square's HongKong Cafe with er jie n kelvin.. hanhui n dajie already there..

we ate den we go Marina square walk walk.. den we go to parkway parade to collect the lantern mum ordered.. den went to westmall to transfer the hp line i'm usin now from kelvin account to my account.. so i have to pay my own hp bill from today on.. den we went to supermarket to buy ingredient for the steamboat tt sis decide.. n aft which went to hanhui house to take his stuff cuz he stayin over.. den home prepare for dinner.. den eat.. dear sms mi.. i'm very happy~

dear.. i really miss u n love u alot.. juz sometime see u praise or happily talk abt other guys make mi sad n jealous.. sigh.. i trust u bt juz wry tt the guys u mentions r so high above mi.. i'm nth compare to them.. i feel i'm so useless.. so small.. n i cant even secure u as my gf.. somehow feel the threat of u gettin grab away by them n never come back to mi.. T_T i dun wan tis to happen.. i'm scared..

2007-05-13T10:45:00.000+08:00

ok starts with friday night

i went n meet up with dear. thou she dun call mi darr in her blog anymore. bt i juz wan anyone to noe she is my dear.. we eat n hang out at rockey master.. was nt a nice time to go there tt time. for she dun seems to b enjoyin.. n we have a small arguement.. den we went off n she go play guitar.. den we go home..

sat.. KHK.. bad day.. wear wrong things at wrong time.. damn hot.. bt was happy to b with dear on tt day.. thou i dunno how she feels n things..

today... sunday.. tis mother's day + my sis bdae.. my mum is nt ard so we din celebrate tt bt i goin to meet my sis later.. i juz read dear's blog..

tink i shall juz dun read anymore. everytime i read i got sad n heartache.. there is onli praise of other guys ard her.. her cca n stuff.. feel i never better den them.. i do feel so too.. i never better then anyone. n we slowly drift further for we got no time to meet. n she have her time most with her sch mates.. even the cca ppl she oso got one afternoon with them.. onli meet mi when she is tired n we cant talk much.. sigh.. tink i will lose her to some guys tt hang ard with her someday.. cuz they can talk more see each other more.. get to noe each other more.. there is a pharse in chinese sayin tt as time goes by the love grows.. mi n her seldom meet up cuz no time.. bt if this is wat suppose to b den i can do nth abt it.. i try to meet up bt she have no time..

i nt givin her stress.. juz feel if really can.. den have sometime with mi? bt i dun tink i can give her as good as wat others gives.. hate it.. i'm juz lousy..

cant give her freedom.. cant make her happy.. cant tis cant tt..

sigh.. all i wry is losin her n her loves..

will she ever noe? i juz wan a fair treatment.. i wish to b hang ard her blogs n lips to b praise abt.. bt nt shane or the badminton guy.. how to serve in badminton i oso can teach her.. juz i dun tink she will say things with a "yays" at the back of her sentence if i'm the one goin to teach her..

I M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH..... feel damn sad... how will u feel if ur partner is happy with others bt nt u.. u feel being pushed down.. how will u feel if ur partner praise other guys instead of u? u feel sad.. argggg guess i will get to my long past self.. the silent self.. juz keep all my tis type of things to myself or rather write on blog.. n dun care who read it..

tis is juz how i feel.. tts all if u understand u will do somethings abt it bt nt run away.. bt if u tink tt u dun have to change den its ok.. juz let it b.. i dun wan to force.. i dun wan a struggling relationship.. i juz wan love n care.. nt from outside bt at least nt to let mi feel tt i'm a gone case..

i'm lost..

i lose n i never win..

i'm juz a loser who juz dun wan to die bt keep losin n gettin pain in my heart..

waitin

2007-05-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

today is the same as other days

bt today i waited for her for a long long time. waitin for reply..

she said she called b4 leave house, reach sch.. she cant get to mi..

i din get them showed on my hp.

ard 1 pm i sms her..

5 plus, i cant wait anymore i called.. she JUZ end her MATCH(badminton) so i hang aft awhile n sms her.. she say she juz receive both sms at the same time *the one i juz send now n the one i send at 1pm*

she say she is tired.. so i juz say cuz she take so many tings at a time.. aft sch at 12 straight need to go guitar club(cca) den aft tt rush for badminton(cca) aft tt rush for night class til 10pm..

who on earth wont get tired.. den aft i said tt she say she is stress den aft i say tt she say i makin her more stress.. if i dun concern abt u for god sake i say it..

i noe its nt ur fault for nt contactin mi. nor its my fault for cant get to u for u r busy..

so how to solve the problem? i dunno.. sigh.. all u wan is make full use of ur time.. ya.. all ur other stuff, study, cca.. where m i? 100% of ur time i tink i'm onli 5%.. one whole week onli meet u on friday for dinner? dun count sat.. cuz both of us r busy with task.. practice singin.. OMI dun allow us team up too.. so.. sigh..

its hard to survive.. bt i have to learn.. juz hope u get it n stop takin so much tings at a time.. nt for mi.. bt for urself.. if u wan to take so many, den face it.. dun complaint stress or tired.. once awhile is alright bt nt always all i hear from u is stress stress stress..

stress = ppl give themselves.. so if u can manage ur things n time.. u wont feel stress.. u will b rather enjoyin..

i'm hungry.. tis is juz my feelin.. if u dun like den dun come my blog.. if wan noe mi more den come often.. bt i dun update daily.. like mi for who i m. dun like mi for who i m.. if u can take it den we can b friends if nt lets build the fences.. its juz mi.. i m who i m.. the free styler.. Tsuki..

2007-05-10T17:27:00.000+08:00

today woke up late.. heard sis say "i leavin home for work le"
i sit up immediately, n its 745.. my class start 800

rush to bath n prepare, leave home by 820 i tink or 830.
half way to sch at JE someone tap my shoulder, its was KangJian, my 12 years friend..

finally reach sch. rush to class. open door, lecturer look at mi den continue his lesson. i sit down listen.
he give us 5 min to read for out Quiz den mi n Huiming quarrel. hated her since the first day of sch.. she is so arg.. she juz dunno wat is resposibility n how to control her mouth.. always make ppl angry..
so we quarrel abt she change the class lesson from 1pm-3pm to 8am to 10am without askin the whole class. she onli ask afew n say most wan tt time.. bt dun she noe tt if there is 1 objection den the agreement is over? n she change without informin anyone.. if nt sunder call to confirm, we all noe it.

anyway so we went to the next 2 tutorial.. bored as usual, talk abit with kong, leong, yien, shiva n david.. guys talk haha. talkin abt cock.. so i say we literally talk cock.. lol

5 min b4 class end, someone called mi. i feel is dear.. bt i sms her she cant reply n i cant call out.. sigh. miss her so much.. so aft which mi, leong n edward went to holland V to buy my clothes.. $5 haha to ppl its cheap bt now to mi is expansive T_T anyway den acc edward to eat.. cuz he acc mi buy clothes? haha they juz stand outside the shop like wat normal guys do n i like the lady inside the shop. =.=;;

den walk to train station like i use to when i work there.. with leong we go home..

did nth much at home.. bath in cold water cuz weather hot like hell~
dl anime? help xiaopang(wei) find n dl chinese songs
n chat with edward, wei, leong..

5pm.. i called dear.. she is buyin dinner.. bt feel she like dun wan mi call at tt time.. she sound so busy.. busy with ppl ard her.. i dunno its juz my feelin.. it may nt b true..

i miss her alot.. she havin night lesson later.. T_T i feel kinda lost everyday.. bit by bit.. thou she say she miss mi too.. bt.. mayb cuz i miss her alot tts y feel lonely n sad.. dear i miss u i need u..

i love u, do u love mi too?

wish for tis month~
*wish can meet up with dear more or perhaps ASAP.. miss her alot alot alot..
*electric bass + amp!!! $160~~~ where can i get the $$ so i can train on my bass T_T
*pass my tests n study hard? hope so~
*sing well for KHK.. oso hope so~
*feel hungry~ nth suits my taste nowadays.. n i got no $$ to eat other food T_T

2007-05-07T13:51:00.000+08:00

i somehow start askin who i m..

actions i done is nt wat i suppose to do..

some words for myself

- stop tellin ppl wat to do n let them do wat they wan to do.. who r u to command them?
- stop being so emotional in ur relationship n b a man tt take it with great heart..
- wats urs will forever b urs so juz stop protectin it so hard as if its nt urs

*stand up again aft u fall.. dun give up*
*even when everyone calls u a loser, continue to strive on n fly someday.. dun give up*
*in tis world theres nth impossible unless u give up on tryin.. dun give up*
*failure hurts.. bt overcome it n learn from mistake, start again.. dun give up*

i have talk lesser n lesser to the moon aft i move to tis new house.. cuz my room cant see moon anymore.. its onli when i walk home den i can see.

who m i?

who m i

2007-05-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

who m i?
i no longer noe.

wat i wan?
all i need is u.

why is that so?
i love u, bt i dunno if u feel the same as mi.

where i wish to belong?
in ur heart.

when do i start feelin down?
right now.

how m i goin to solve the problem?
dun tink too much n things will nt hurt as much.

DUN READ IF U NOE U CANT TAKE IT

2007-04-13T19:37:00.000+08:00

wat have i done wrong again?
y does things always turn out like tt..

i'm juz myself wats wrong...

lovin someone seriously u will never ask urself y u love him so much until if happen to break up..

seriously i dun tink i did anything wrong.. all i do is i ask abt the help tt OMI mention..

i listen to u sing.. try find songs tt suit u.. try to give comment to ur song n too u rejected back my comment n did i say anything? went audition for u cuz u always wanted mi to.. n i noe my voice is nt nice at all bt stil try.. n wat do i get.. feed back on nt acc u n stuff..

really really wat is wrong lor!! can juz someone spot it n tell mi?? is it my fault or nt..
givin in to be it my fault or nt makes mi nt myself anymore..

u wan mi to b myself the carefree self.. n when i m.. u say mi again..

y nt u juz tell mi to b ur doll or robot.. juz command mi watever way u wan.. so i wont do anything wrong or to apologise for nth again..

u can ask urself y u love mi so much.. bt i never in my life question myself tt.. never did..

ok i let most of my feelin now out..

DUN READ IF U NOE U CANT TAKE IT.. DUN COME TO MI N SAY NEGATIVE THINGS TO MI AFT READIN.. I HAVE STATE NT TO READ IF U CANT TAKE IT..

aft tis i wish for peace life like past few days..

anyway today is friday 13.. it suppose to b my lucky day of all..

yea.. beginnin of the day is happy.. give her her time of her own.. n bin got book out cuz he "sick"

i really wish those happy days, peaceful days will come back T_T

Genting (my birthday)

2007-03-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

the day b4 goin genting (08/03/07)

nana dear came over to my house at 0830..
i was stil aslp when my hp ring..she is juz outside my house..
very happy when i noe she is came at tis early..
watch anime almost the whole day..
i love tis type of life.. love n freedom n the link within..

day to genting (09/03/07)

din slp the whole night.. cuz its late when i tot of slpin..so i ton thru the night.. wry nana will b tired so i ask her to slp..
mornin 0330.. went to bath n prepare.. we finish at 0430.. den went to Mac to have breakfast..
took i tink is first train to lavendar to meet friendsShao Kang (SK, Ma shao), HuiYing, Ken (baomu, ah bu), Benny ( ah ben)
finally we got on the bus n set off to genting.. slp tru the trip n play some PSP which i borrow from HuiYing..

arrive at Genting.. was warm due to the sun.. so we check in.. the room is nice..went walk ard.. went to haaunted house n Ripley's Believe it or nt..was nice.. haha went to eat.. cuz all very hungry..
aft which.. we all went back to rest.. n HuiYing n ShaoKang went shop ard..first day end early..

2nd day at Genting (my Bdae!!! 10/03/07)

woke up early at 0730? i forget.. bt we meet 0800-0830 went to have breakfast b4 the thrill.. haha..ate noodles.. all of us..
went to the outdoor theme park..
took almost all the thrill ride tt we can or wan to take.. cuz there is water thrill which we dun wish to go.. n some ride is out of service.. have alot of fun..
best of all rides is "space shot"a ride tt bring u to app. 8 level high.. n drop u down.. n rebounce til it come to a rest.. omg.. haha..
next up is "flying coaster" a ride which we pay for extra to try.. it worth tryin..it make u feel like u r flying.. its so cool..
we took break n went to coffee bean.. haha.. "white chocolate dream" its a nice drink
we went to have dinner at pizza hut.. cuz its my bdae.. hee.. bt for ur info.. the service of tt pizza hut.. is damn damn damn sucky!!! dun ever go there..
i ask if wan to watch movie..
so mi, nana, huiying n shaokang go for 2 movie in a row n ken n benny onli got for 1..
we watch "bridge to/of terebithia" n "300"omg.. the first show.. "bridge" is very touchin.. T_T
n omg x100.. 300 is damn nice!!! i love it to core!!
aft which went back n slp..

3rd day of genting (11/03/07)

tired day i can say.. nth much bt.. woke up to check out..went to international buffet n eat..came back singapore..

miss the days.. was fun with nana.. love her lots..

2007-03-07T22:48:00.001+08:00

You Have Low Self Esteem 72% of the Time

You tend to blame yourself when things go wrong, regardless of whether it's your fault or not.
You're anxious to please others and rely too much on their opinions. Learn to please yourself first, and your confidence will soar.

How is Your Self Esteem?

2007-03-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

You Are Okay With Money

You're about average with money, which means you probably don't have a lot of it.
Your instincts tell you to stay out of debt and spend wisely...
But you don't always listen to your instincts!
With a little more effort, you could have a nice little nest egg. You just have to control your spending.

Are You Good With Money?

2007-03-07T22:20:00.001+08:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Happy Vivo Outing with Dear NANA

2007-03-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

wake up tis mornin n called HD to confirm my schedule bt to hear tt today i dun need to work..

Howl~~

sudden got a urge of datin nana out n to go for shoppin..

tis is the first time i ever wan to go shoppin.. normally is acc nana or sis..

anyway.. i kinda made nana angry tis mornin cuz of my delay..

so finally.. met nana at outram park.. omg.. she look so pretty.. haha..

so we went to Vivo.. first time to Vivo.. as i'm nt a shoppin type of guy..

first of all.. i made nana wait so long so she is as hungry as mi.. n i'm a guy who get hungry very easily..

we walk ard.. lookin for food.. long john silver.. something nana crave for.. so yea!! we found it..

happily eat the food.. enjoy the life of havin cash to spend.. feel so light n happy.. hee

aft which.. went to search for movie theatre.. boom.. found it again. haha. bought 2 tickets for "pursuit of happiness".. its a nice show.. haha..

next we went walk walk n went to a comic conrner.. n a my favourite.. Pet Safari!!!! omg.. pets pets n more pets!!! damn.. if onli i more smarter.. den i can have hands on the pets n vet or groomer or care taker.. T.T

next we went to alot of restaurant n none suits nana's crave.. so we went to Food Republic n ate fish soup bee hoon ( correct nana from her blog) haha

aft which we walk walk again.. haha.. hmm bought a moomoo for er jie.. mi n nana spot it long ago in some other minitoons.. bt finally we bought it~

next.. we went to buy donuts.. nana dun wan any.. so bought some for myself n family..

nana say i similar to some guy i dun like.. he oso love donuts.. sian.. haha bt nvm.. i m who i m..

next we to buy drink cuz nana say she thirsty.. n i bought my meiji chocolate milk.. hee..

den we walk past a shop sell girls hair accessory n stuff.. in there i found the buckle thingy.. dunno how to explain. bought 1 for self n 1 for nana.. hee..

during the walk walk.. we took pics.. hee.. so funny..

i love today.. i can buy things for myself. n oso for nana.. feel so nice.. thank you nana for keep askin mi to go work.. hee.. thou i hate workin. bt money is nice.. haha..

love u to bits.. love u alot..

Happy~~

i muz change?

2007-03-04T13:31:00.000+08:00

haha realise tt i seldom blog..

realise tt i sound so sad n stuff in the past..

i'm back with jean aka elie aka nana aka baobei aka dear dear aka meow..

currently we r happy together.. we will b happy til the end of time right?

i have start workin in Haagen Dazs at holland V..

i love now.. thou it sometime is tiring. bt at least my relationship with nana is happy..

i shall post more blog to cover over my past..

Eragon.. the fantasy story intro to mi by nana.. i love it.. the story is nice. the author is amazin.,

i love fantasy story.. i dunno why., bt i love to live in fantasy.. perhaps in fantasy.. things might seems perfect? i dunno how to explain.. haha

anyway i juz love my nana to bits.. haha oh ya.. my blog skin is once again done by my nana. hee

Happy~~

2006-12-05T12:17:00.000+08:00

i'm nth bt a loser.

nt tall.. nt rich. nt carin. nth i'm nth at all.

there is nth i can do now.. bt to pray for her happiness.

feel like disappearin from tis world..

thank her for the wonderful time she gave mi.

i will cherish wat she have gave mi..

thou it mayb abit late.. bt its wat i have left.. memories..

she have made it very obvious tis time.

thou its hurtin. bt it serve mi right.. even if i changin now.. nth gonna change..

like i said b4.. i will nt change my love for her.. never.. no matter wat she is the onli one..

^.^ i'll juz stay in the dark.. pray for her safety, her happiness n everything..

you r the most important thing i have in tis world.. take care (if u ever come read my blog)

I will change. i will learn.

2006-12-05T10:04:00.000+08:00

Tis is something tt i muz learn n use it everyday while with her thou she is nt my Girlfriend.
Ganbatte ne~

i will nt make the same mistake again. whether she believe or nt, i will nt do the same mistake again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Be realistic about each other.

Don't try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u're gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.

2. Always talk things out.

Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner undrstands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

3. Do stuff together.

Make an effort to do t hings together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccor with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If u're spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it's a warning sign that u're drifting apart!!!

4. Meet each other halfway.

If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy... There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.

5.Show ur love.

Buy her flowers or candy or perfume everynow and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes => ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

6. Respect each other.

Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

7. Bury the past.

Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don't bring up the happy things about u and ur ex to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b'cos u are gonna get back with ur ex or not interested in her anymore.

8. Sit on ur jealousy.

All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finall y killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.

9. Keep ur commitments to each other.

If ur partner is standing u up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u're in a relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.

10. Be honest.

Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing <>ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u're hurt, say so, and when u're angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? � Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it!

T.T

2006-12-05T09:35:00.000+08:00

feel so mess up.. dunno wats this damn freakin feelin in mi whenever i tink too much abt other guys n her..

so much words tt is so sensative to mi.. cars, food n shoppings.. i'm POOR!! damn it..
nt tall n stuff.. she no longer love mi.. y do i always lie to myself sayin she is..

there is more better guys who treat her good.. wats wrong with mi..

tryin my best.. i muz.. til the day i die.. i will onli love her..

sis.. i'm nt wasting my youth.. even if i am.. i dun regret.. i dunno y.. bt she is the only one i'm very serious in.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wish for a PSP for xmas..
i wish for W810i (sonyericsson) *sry meow.. made u buy the hp u dun like*
or. mayb 80 ppl each give mi $10 den i can buy both of them.. lol

i'm so freakin bad la.. everyday onli wish wish wish.. never tink in reality..

sigh.. i'm juz a good for nth..

hate myself.. sigh.. never can i surpass someone in her life.. nor in my life..

i'm a loser...

2006-11-29T21:23:00.000+08:00

HAHA.. tis is my first time in my life to say out wish list.. or rather let ppl noe my kinda full wishlist for christmas..
cuz i noe no matter wat no one will buy them for mi.. since young.. haha

-Wishlist-

1) wish to be together with the girl i love. i will cherish her.. never to hurt her again.. (most ppl noe who is she)

2) wish to make ppl ard mi happy.. wish i can b happy n carefree like last time.. i dun like stress

3) wish can pass all my test. exam or obstacles in life

4) wish can sing better, b more cool

5) grow more build n taller

somemore bt currently cant remember~

*things tt need $$ to buy*

1) wish for a hp with good camera, nt best nvm. with MP3 n external memory like miniSD

2) wish for a PSP.. need some game to carry mi away from reality

3) wish for clothes tt suit mi n suit my style

4) wish for new shoes

5) wish for more accessory to go with my clothes

6) wish for more bags

7) wish to go overseas trip with her

8) wish to have more $$ in wallet so can go out more

somemore bt currently cant remember~

2006-11-29T21:21:00.000+08:00

I will n muz try my best..

I'm serious about u..

No matter what i muz survive on..

Someday.. yea someday..

Ganbatte..

2006-11-20T11:14:00.000+08:00

sunday.. the day of basara meetin..

lunch is good.. though i cant eat finish..
went to taian house..
on the way she "heal" mi
feel so comfortable n touch.

things kinda good throughout the whole day..
very happy..

she was late for home..
sent her home by cab.. talked alot at the food centre, cab n everything.
tink i have slowly understand her more..
i dun wan my old past.. the past tt i onli cause hurt to her..
i slowly gettin a new self.. hope she will like it.. n i like it too..

love may have some obstacles.. however if can overcome.. things will b better..

there will b a rainbow aft the heavy rain..

2006-11-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie i din lie..

i really din lie.. i have been tryin n learnin my mistake from the past..
dun get jealous easily,
give u freedom,
trusting you,
not to commit wat i have did tt hurt u,
get a job fast to b financial stable,
smile more to u and nt expect too much,
and alot more to learn.

bt why cant u trust tt i have learnt n change..
everyday and night.. i miss u badly.. juz to pretend tt u r here.
so i can survive on.
trusting tt someday u will come back.
aft u dun pin mi down so much.. release some hatred..
i onli need a chance where u will see my change n nt to keep tinkin tt i lie.

the past is my fault.. it never too late to change n start a new..
it juz whether u believe. i will wait.. no matter wat.
u r the only one i love.

2006-11-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

“Friends” it’s a nice drama. A drama which I like when I saw it the first time few years back.

Today I feel very lost.. trying my best to stay on without her..
Its very hard.. I will not give up..

Anyway.. gastric is not very good this few days.. cant eat much, no appetite.
Trying my best to eat however.. just cant get the food in.. every time I force..
I feel like vomiting.
Still thinking how to make my gastric better..

Try to forget about the past.. wan to know her again..
Start a new.. so I wont keep saying the past stuff..

No matter what I will try till I lay death on the floor..
She is my only precious.. this I swear she is..
I cant live without her. Trying very hard telling myself that someday she will be back.
That’s how I survive currently..

I have to learn my mistake.. understand her.. as a friend first..
Trying my best not to disturb her that much..
I wish she can talk/chat with mi nicely and not in angry mood or irritated mood..
When she in that mood.. she tend to put whatever I say into negative.
I also wish to talk to her like others does.. also wish she can reply mi like how she reply others..
If that happen.. then at least can communicate better..

I don’t know if what I’m doing is helping my future or making it worst.. but I believe. Someday.. perhaps a long long time when miracles happen.. she might come back..
Till then I will wait for her.. I promise.. I will love her and cherish her..
If we can pass this round and get back together.. our love will be stronger.. and we will understand each other better..

2006-11-13T19:11:00.000+08:00

it have a long time eversince i blog

there have been happy moment n sad moment..

first everything goes fine.. we were happy together chatting n stuff..
happily as for mi.. for her i tink she is somehow sad sometime..
however things is rather better as for talkin n stuff..

last friday.. she went on a date..
aft it.. which is on sat.. i was told nt to b too close with her..
she said it to mi..
where have all the alright moment gone to..
juz cuz he is better n can make u happier..
n now we cant even talk like the past?

perhaps is my bad.. however i stil feel lost n miserable..
wat m i suppose to do now.. i wan her back.. i love her..
i cant live without her.. however seein other guys better then mi..
its hurts mi alot.. i feel defeated..
i cant change the past.. if i can i will wish i can treat her better..
cherish, care n love her..

my princess have found a better prince or rather a better life..
i do wish to let her b.. bt i currently cant.. i cant..
i'm a weakling..

i juz wish i wasnt born so as nt to hurt her in the past.. i'm sry..
pls come back to mi..

no title

2006-10-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

Today is damn bored..
Wake up in the morning.. nth to do.. so slack in bed..
Went to pack my room.. nt really pack.. however I pack my mangas in to boxes..

Went on IRC awhile.. let it run n din see it anymore..
Went to watch tv..
Smsed meow.. no reply.. sigh..
Feel so distant from her.. she muz b havin fun..
Dun understand myself..
Juz wan her attention.. wan talk to her.. wan b with her..
Even can meet.. den at least sms?
Bt.. there is no sms.. T.T

Today is a torture n suffering day for mi as meow is nt ard..
Feel so uncomfortable..

I wish I can stick to her like air or pet or whatever tt can b beside her every min every sec..
I dun mind.. I rather stick to her quietly n stuff.. doin our stuff bt as least stick wit her.. I can feel her attention can feel tt she noe I’m stil exist in tis world..
Mayb I juz cant live with out her ba..

Meow I miss u.. a lot.. a lot.. my heart is like goin to burst soon.. arg… T.T I have try to endure since morning.. pls.. I need u.. need ur attention.. T.T I cant live without u.. T.T

no updates=-

2006-10-21T10:38:00.000+08:00

tis few days i din update.. anyway i also din remember much wat happen juz tt i noe i'm very happy with meow.. like the life now.. juz tt i sometime tink abit too much when i was alone.. sigh.. its my bad.. have to change..

if meow read tis.. hope meow will understand.. i'm sry tt i tink too much.. need time.. being like wat we r now i feel better.. hee..

i noe i'm weak.. cuz i cant get over u.. bt i love ya alot.. so its nt easy.. bad memo i can forget bt nt the love for u..
i noe i'm being look down.. cuz of alot of things abt mi..

sometime i juz feel like givin up my life..

ytd.. went to meet meow aft her work.. she seems kinda nt in mood.. hee.. guess i did right thing for nt askin.. bt wait.. i realise i'm a impatient guy..

anyway aft which we went home.. talk n stuff.. hee.. when she got incomin MSN n stuff i feel uncomfortable.. bt i have to understand n get use to it.. hee..

finally we watch the show i bought. "Helen the baby fox"
its a nice show bt meow find it boring.. ha.. its ok.. dun blame.. different ppl got different taste..
the movie is sad.. its abt tis baby fox which is blind, deaf, n dun bark.. which make ppl think it's mute.. however in the movie it barks 2 time.. its very touchin the story... n the story teaches mi nt to give up livin so easily n cherish the time u have now.. nt to tink of self happiness n being selfish.. bt to also share happiness with others. care n love is impt.. understand others life n feelin..

its nt easy if one side dun open up to u.. however if u dun give up.. n let him/her feel u r ther wit no harm.. slowly him/her will open up..

hope mi n meow can like tt too..

i will do my best..

sry meow for all the wrong i have made in the past.. u dun have to forgive mi..
bt being like wat we r now is already very good le..
dun angry so easy le wor.. hee.. take care

my meow

2006-10-16T21:37:00.000+08:00

14.10.06

wake up in the mornin.. hmm was tinkin will b a good day.. bt.. kinda slight quarrel with meow.. anyway meow is now my mei mei (sister) bt i wil make her mine someday..

was sad.. so plan to prepare n go fetch her frm her sch.. give her a surprise.. hee..
reach meow's sch.. i saw her smile to mi surprisingly when she saw mi standin outside.. hee.. so happy..
afterwhich.. we went to bugis.. bt at bishan MRT.. we saw... >>> MIRU!!! my kor kor.. lol.. he seems to grow taller.. lol.. he stil the same old lame.. haha.. den we went to bugis.. lalal.. everything is fine.. i love tis like tt with meow.. no quarrel.. lets try harder..
anyway we goin to help huiying see her thing.. n as we walk.. we saw a guy smokin with his friend..

meow >> "tt guy look like adeus"
mi >> "where? hmm.. ya.. look like.."
i look at the guy.. he keep 'diao'(stared) mi..
[20:46] * Adeus Slaps Musica
[20:47] ??
[20:47] wats up man
[20:47] * Musica slap Adeus ass
[20:47] u kns
[20:47] bleh
[20:47] LOL
[20:47] wat??
[20:47] wat i KNS
[20:47] that time saw u at bugis~~~
[20:47] LOLOL
[20:47] eh??
[20:47] when?
[20:47] last sat loh
[20:47] LOL
[20:47] liew
[20:47] hmm
[20:47] which part?
[20:47] u with wind?
[20:48] outside the bugis bus stop
[20:48] nope
[20:48] oh
[20:48] u smokin right?
[20:48] got one fella keep looking at u
[20:48] lol
[20:48] keep diao u one
[20:48] kns
[20:48] LOl
[20:48] mi n elie is tinkin is it u or nt
[20:48] LOL
[20:48] its me loh
[20:48] LOL
[20:48] den we discussin "tt guy look like adeus"
[20:48] lol
[20:48] u both KNS
[20:48] aiya
[20:48] sry
[20:48] bleh

anyway.. aft we finish help huiying see her thing..
we walk back.. n half way we saw.. wind, tingx n (opps sry. i forgot ur name)

we went to payar lebar meet meow's mum.. den we went over to parkway parade n meet up my sis n kelvin (her bf) den went to make spec..

OMG.. meow choose the spec n help mi test my eyes n stuff.. so happy.. hee.. cant wait to get my spec.. anyway was happy.. den we went to eat.. cant bear to part with meow.. bt i have to meet with my brothers..

we the 7 bros.. haha.. its us again.. ( Bin, Zean, Xiong, Wei, Ran, Sheng, Thomas )
same things we do.. we went to lan shop.. n stay til it close shop at 3 am.. i saw bao jun at there too.. ahha.. anyway was fun.. cuz after play game.. we went to eat mac.. talk alot.. den they plan to go ask hotel price.. den see if wan stay hotel for tt mornin.. lol.. so funny.. den saw some guy with girl ( look old ) wear short skirt n stuff come out frm hotel 81.. lol.. den we laugh n stuff.. in the end we walk back to PS n wait for the train..

15.10.06

early mornin i went over to meow house aft the night with my bros..
she gave mi her keys for tt mornin.. so i juz went in n sit at the spare room n on the fan..
next i realise some thing bang into mi.. meow jump n slp beside mi.. i sat n fall aslp without knowin.. den meow ask mi go to the aircon room slp.. aft i change... we went to slp.. den aft dunno how long.. tama called.. meow wake up n i pass hp to her.. den we all decide to swim.. lol
tama n lirin(my mei too) came over n we talk n meow sing n do her blog stuff.. den finally we go swim..
is fun!! we play water gun n swim.. can hug meow more. n stuff.. so fun.. den til dunno when mi n meow feel cold.. so we came up first n went bathin.. aft i bath finish.. i saw tama,lirin n meow's sister is back frm pool.. den next tis they bath.. den we go have dinner.. lala.. pizza!!! n porridge!!! aft which.. we all went home.. meow came over my house to slp.. cuz she next day need to go work.. den my house nearer to there den her house..

so fun.. meow went to buy 1 bottle of alcohol. den we went my house.. i cook beef instant noodles (its frm taiwan) woo.. really got beef in it.. meow like it.. hee.. so do i.. den we drink n slp.. hee.. i love being with meow.. i love meow.. love huggin her n being by her side.. i wan make her happy hee.. i will try hard.. thank you meow.. hee..

happy n sad again.. mostly happy.. hee

2006-10-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

11.01.06

Today sch is borin. Damn bored. Played basket ball. Climb wall on my own den have some scratches.

Meet meow for dinner. Have some misunderstandin. Den she angry. Sigh y I always did things tt she will angry. Cant I dun give in? n she dun angry so easily?

Guess she stil tinkin abt cake. There’s nth I can do. Sigh.

Miss her so much. Finally can meet den accident n misunderstand spoil everything.

Sigh. Hate like tt..send her to sch.. was alright aft we try to cool down.. yay..

Sit outside the class see her.. so cute.. haha.. I really love her a lot.. will change..

12.01.06

Today sch is tiring.. end sch stil got 2 hours gap to meet meow.. so I wait in sch in the end I fall aslp..

Finally meet meow.. hee. So happy.. she sit beside mi.. wee.. my heart beat very fast.. anyway today is alright.. hee.. chat with meow a lot.. thou we have slight disagreement.. however we didn really quarrel. So good tt we both try to stop.. hee.. she ask mi b her kor kor. I accepted.. cuz I wan to b close to her.. bt nt a total stranger.. I will get her back.. soon..

Miss meow mei very much.. T.T she is the onli one I love n I will love her forever.

Happy & a little sad

2006-10-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

Was happy ytd. Meow sms mi in the mornin. Sms meow in sch, meet meow for dinner.
We laugh, talk, alot nice stuff. Very happy. Hee no quarrel.
juz tt i keep tinkin abt meow with other guys talkin n gettin close. T.T
bt i like when we talk nature way n she focus on mi, give mi attention. Hee
Feel nice, comfort, sweet when with meow.

Today meow din sms. tink she is tired.
hee miss her alot today. wan to trust her n dun tink too much.
need some time to change..

meet meow for dinner.. hee talk too.. very happy.. like now.. talkin freely n nicely.. no quarrel nor easy angry. hee
sit outside meow class today.. ytd too.. see her study.. see her smile to mi.. feel so fortunate.. haha.. love being like tis.. sweet, calm, comfort.. hee.. miss meow now.. T.T

wish meow will nt so tired.. T.T
wish mi n meow can b better.. hee..

Happy!!!

2006-10-08T17:49:00.000+08:00

today mornin woke up to meet meow.. hee.. thou tired... bt i want to meet her so much..

went prepare n stuff.. finally its 11am.. i left the house.. its 1130 when i reach wdl MRT.. meow smsed mi say she end le.. i was like "oh.. shit.. i'm late.. "

made her waited for mi.. so bad.. anwyay half way mei call her den ask to eat dinner.. so we meet up.. its a ZELT outin.. lunch outin.. den we went to buy wax.. for my hair.. meow goin help mi cut hair.. haha..

tama went to find job with his friend.. so mei, mi n meow went to meow house.. they sing.. i listen.. den finally meow help mi cut hair.. it turns out to b nice!!.. for mi n meow ar.. other ppl i dun care.. lol.. was close to meow again.. so happy.. hee.. wish everyday oso like tt.. dun like quarrel.. love to see meow like tt.. happy.. n pay attention to mi.. tis is the 2nd time after we break up tt i was so so so happy.. normal days oso happy.. bt tis 2 days is very happy.. cuz meow give mi attention.. we dun quarrel.. we talk alot.. n smile, laugh, listen to each other.. love like tt.. oh ya.. the first time is when meow sick.. when i went to acc her to clinic n home.. haha..

glad to see meow like tt.. i feel lighter.. dun need to tink how to make her happy when she angry n stuff.. hee..

miss u meow.. thank you.. will cherish the time with u de.. hapyy moment pass fast.. n dunno when we will quarrel again.. hope dun quarrel.. lets try.. hee..

heartache

2006-10-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

meow dunwan mi to find her anymore.. sigh.. y..

will she come back n talk to mi when she is better? i dunno.. she oso dun reply my sms n stuff.. sigh.. y does things happen like tt..

she hold on to the past too much.. everything she will link to the past..

guess other guys who is ard her is interested in her.. how i wish i'm stil with her now.. den i can take care of her.. those guys.. nt really very good.. bad influence actually.. bt does she even listen to mi? no.. anyway she wan to b with them i oso cannot do anything..

my wife is gone.. sad.. hope someday she will come back to mi.. bt i tink its impossible..

tink she off sch le.. bt no reply frm her.. i tink she when to meet those guys.. sigh.. play pool n stuff.. hated it.. never really like them.. meow is the most important person in the world to mi.. i regard her as my wife.. cuz i wanted her to b.. however i'm at fault in the past tt i didn cherish her until now den i start.. bt she say its too late.. i really hope she can dun hold on to the past n forgive mi n forget.. let us start anew.. i wil treat her better..

my mistakes
*give in too much in the past till she expect things frm mi bt i cant do it..
*hide things frm her (wry she get angry, she angry will ignore mi T.T)
*do something she dun like (i'm sry i will nt anymore)
*dun trust her (cuz she dunno the limit of herself.. always wan go do the clubbin n stuff)
*didn give her freedom (if she noe the limit of herself i will.. she dun even dare to talk to ppl n showin weak side to other ppl of cuz i wry)

things i do i have my reason.. bt its too late.. anyway i will wait.. cuz i really wan her to b my wife in the future.. we may dun suit each other.. bt 1 year plus bind us together even more.. tis is frm my side.. i dunno her.. mayb she dun like mi in the beginnin.. or mayb she dun wan forgive mi.. give her sometime will she tink abt it? will she come back? i dunno.. juz really pray she dun get in disadvantage.. those guys she is with is nt good.. n the girls she is with.. some is showin bad examples.. n stuff.. meow dun really noe wat is good n bad.. she can tell onli some.. bt in human communication, body language, hidden signal n stuff. she stil dunno..

guess i will go mad tis period of time.. nt use to it.. wry abt her.. cuz she is too impt to mi.. so tts y i will wry so much.. she is my precious.. does she noe tt? cuz of my past. she hated mi.. bt in the past i'm immature.. i didn mistakes. everyone did mistakes.. n aft some mistakes n stuff den they start to learn.. i wish she can gimmi a chance to b with her.. i turn over a new leaf.. T.T meow.. i really miss u.. hope u din really go out with those guys.. or even single goin out with 1 guy.. sigh.. especially Kero n stuff..

u tell other ppl ur stuff.. bt nt mi anymore.. feel heartache.. i wish we never will quarrel n u can forgive mi n stuff.. den we can happily together.. T.T

i love u meow meow..i really do.. T.T

sigh

2006-10-06T20:24:00.000+08:00

meow called tis morning to wake mi up.. however I too tired to wake up.. so woke up late.. sigh..

was happy she called.. bt she dun seems happy cuz I overslept.. anyway.. sch sucks.. maths n maths..

went back home.. doin nth bt tinkin of meow meow.. sms her n stuff.. she workin so cant reply.. wanna meet her.. really miss her a lot.. finally she reply say she off work le.. so I called her.. guess I say something tt she dun like again.. sigh.. den she ignore mi again.. wat can I do to stop all tis.. y she get angry with mi so fast n stuff.. sigh..

I feel very pain inside.. wanna find her n listen or talk to her.. bt she ignore…

Kero has quit IRC suddenly.. was tinkin if he went to meet meow.. juz wondering.. dunno wat meow is doin.. she home le ma? She change her shirt for a new one le ma? How’s she with her friend.. sigh.. tink n wry abt her.. oso no use.. she dun even appreciate.. all she tink is I tink too much n stuff.. does anyone noe my feelin?? T.T

She wan freedom.. she wan to b single.. I tink abt it.. n I tell her I respect her.. den she ignore mi.. sigh.. I love her a lot bt I once did a mistake which make her like tis..

Why ppl were nt given chances when they do wrong thing.. forgive n forget is hard..

I juz wish to b with her.. bt it seems impossible.. sigh.. she wan do anything den go ahead.. juz dun ignore mi..

Y muz she always ignore mi n angry with mi.. I try very hard le.. y its stil happenin.. is it the problem on mi or her?

Sigh.. pls.. dun ignore mi anymore.. can we juz like normal friends n talk??

Y I like do everything oso wrong.. sigh..sometimes I tink she got her tinkin.. I can listen n stuff.. bt when come to my tinkin.. she will interrupt.. givin a feelin of nt listenin.. thou she did listen.. however.. she keep wantin my tinkin to b wat she wans.. if nt she juz go angry n ignore mi.. or talk to mi in a attitude way.. of cuz I will give in to her.. sigh.. bt y cant she oso tink abt her n tink for mi.. she nowadays to mi.. is like a queen n wantin wat ever I do to b same as her thought.. she become some how bossy.. however I tink she will change back when she realise it.. anyway I tell her oso no use.. cuz she dun listen to mi.. n ppl onli like to hear good things abt themselves.. I juz dunno y she wan to ignore mi n treat mi like tt..

Hate tis feelin.. juz wan to b her friends.. tts all.. normal like last time when I first met her.. we can talk n stuff.. she oso dun get angry so fast.. guess I juz cant let go of this relationship.. mayb u love her a lot yet I did the wrong thing.. sigh.. I’m juz some useless jerk who she dun wan to forgive..

Meow dun wan talk to mi n stuff.. sigh.. y things always turn out like tis.. all cuz of mi I understand.. if onli I dun exist.. n din met her.. den she wont become like tt.. somehow I tink her changes is mostly cuz of mi.. sigh.. I wont blame on alec.. bt I will blame myself..

So many guys is after meow.. I stands no chances at all.. they r rich, tall, handsome, sweet, understand her better.. meow n them can talk better.. cuz meow n them dun have past.. which create a barrier. Sigh.. I oso wish mi n meow can talk freely.. bt she stil have the past barrier.. I really love her.. bt she dun allow mi..

hate myself for now..i dunno.. y lovin someone is so hard.. juz cuz i did a mistake? sigh..

dun get offended

2006-10-06T14:19:00.000+08:00

5th Oct..

Today did practical in sch.. very bored!! I miss meow!! T.T wish I can say tt to her n she will say it back to mi.. T.T I really wish to b with her..

meet up with meow.. we eat n stuff.. in our conversation.. she said we dun suit each other cuz our tinkin different.. also she said something abt nt seein each other better.. for some years!!..

i dunno wat to say.. however I juz wish to let her noe my feelin.. I need her.. I miss her I wan her.. I love her.. I noe the past is my bad.. T.T sigh..

guess she onli wan to b friend.. she no longer have any single feelin for mi anymore.. guess other new guys may suit her more.. cuz she wan to explore more.. I wry she will hurt herself n dun tell.. sigh.. perhaps I tink too much.. bt its is wrong to protect the ones u love? Over protectin mayb is bad.. bt does anyone tink frm my side? Or even try to understand b4 sayin their own thoughts? N juz spam through wat I wan to say n if I try to say somemore.. they wil juz ignore mi or get piss off... does even anyone noe tt I wan to say out things?? None is really listenin to my with the heart.. juz listenin n smile back to mi.. it sometimes hurt.. bt mayb slowly I will no longer feel hurt.. I regretted a lot.. bt I can onli continue to look to the front. Even if I turn back.. I can change nth..

I tink meow might get offended If she see tis blog in another view.. juz to let u noe.. dun get offended.. I’m juz sayin my feelin.. T.T pls dun tink abt it.. dun wan to quarrel T.T

miss meow a lot.. I need u meow.. really do..

stupid mi~

2006-10-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

Everyday seems the same in the morning.. go to sch, n do all the same stuff.. study n tink of meow.. miss her alot today.. T.T

finally meet her.. wee.. so happy.. bt I did something tt make her angry.. sigh.. when den can I dun make her angry.. I’m juz so useless.. damn it.. hate myself..

miss meow meow..

Happy fuzzy day~ Poor meow meow T.T

2006-10-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today go to sch as usual. Ha. Time pass quick. However i din pay much attention to the class. Got a feelin I will fail my tests. Haha.

Meow today nt feelin well.. so she left the work place halfway. She called mi. I never tot she will call to let mi noe.. anyway I was so anxious to see her to take care her.. I noe she is tired n now she is nt feelin well. T.T

I called, smsed her n stuff.. finally get to meet her at jurong.. we went to eat. Haha.. she say she say a good lookin guy.. lol.. though I feel kinda ache in the heart.. however I juz smile back to her.. cuz I cant anything abt it.. haha.. we went to Jurong polyclinic.. n waited for long time.. meow sudden wan to rest on my shoulder. I feel so I keep tinkin tt my shoulder is so hard n I’m so short for her.. bt oso wish she can rest on mi.. so I let her rest.. feel like last time.. the happy feelin.. the feelin of love n stuff.. soon I fall aslp too.. sudden got someone talk.. I open my eyes.. its Lirin mei.. haha.. I kinda got shock. Bt its ok.. so mi n mei talk awhile abt meow.. she ask hows meow n stuff.. aft which meow woke up abit lookin at mi without knowin tt lirin is behind her.. lol.. finally she realize.. den they talk.. so I take out my laptop n play game.. cuz I dun wan lirin to feel tt she is a lightbulb.. I tink meow oso dun wan her to b like tt..

aft I play.. mei say she wan to play GGXX.. so I let her play.. den meow fell aslp on mi again.. wah.. I damn happy.. really really very happy. Feel like she accept mi as a closer friend.. ^.^ however.. aft awhile she woke up.. den I show them chocobo racin.. den we 3 r kinda havin fun.. I dunno the rest of them.. den without realize.. meow’s no. is over le.. den I go ask the doc.. she damn bloody give mi attitude.. den aft tt meow n mei went in.. n soon everything is over..

mi n meow take bus to jurong.. she slp on mi again.. wah.. today I sure cant slp.. cuz I too happy.. she is so nice to mi today.. omg.. so close.. its really like the past.. the lovely fuzzy feelin.. hee.. den on train too.. she slp on mi.. woo..

back to her home.. today is so nice.. we didn quarrel.. hope forever wont quarrel.. hee.. den eat dinner.. we chat n do out stuff.. its was nice.. aft doin for sometime. We talk again.. til I need to go home.. today is so enjoyable.. ^.^

I miss meow.. miss meow so much.. T.T haha..

short n fast day

2006-10-03T00:39:00.000+08:00

2nd Oct...

hmm.. today wake up n go sch like normal.. hee meow sms mi in the mornin so happy..

understand tt she cant sms cuz her hp no batt n her work place no signal.. so.. haha.. juz wait for her lor.. its boring waitin for her.. bt juz tink tt can meet her soon.. i became very happy.. meow meow is so cute tt i can see everyday oso wont sick.. hope can b together.. bt too bad cant ar.. sad..

anyway sch sucks.. doin nth much.. n i cant absorb much.. so i have to ganbatte..

finally.. meow sms say she end le.. i so happy quickly move to meet her.. see her i so so so happy.. guess she dunno oso.. lol.. den we rest on train.. she slp on my shoulder aft i asked 2 time.. so happy.. bt i tink my shoulder is too hard n nt nice.. T.T sry meow.. anyway we ate long john.. n went look at clothes.. so fun.. hee.. i wish i can have job.. den can b richer.. to acc her more.. sigh.. y i so poor.. n short n bad.. til she dun like mi.. T.T

aft eat send her to sch.. hee.. dunno wat i do is right or wrong. will tis make her onli more dislike mi? i dunno.. i like her.. bt there is nth i can do..

meow do u noe i miss u alot alot..

meow, fun, scary, tired.. guys =.=

2006-10-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

30th sept..

woke up.. tinkin of meow.. hee.. mayb missin her too much.. bt she said she will wake up at 12.. so i wait lor.. haha.. went online.. do nth.. wait for ran n sheng to call mi.. cuz we goin to meet n go find job.. in the end.. they say nt meetin.. cuz sheng overslept.. sigh.. nvm.. meow sms mi ask mi dun go meet her aft sch.. she goin dinner with family.. bt nt long aft.. she call mi n ask if wan to meet cuz lirin wan to meet her.. first thing to my head is " y lirin wan meet her she can meet n dun go for family dinner.. y i wan meet cant?" bt she got her reason.. so i can say nth.. oh ya.. while waitin for her.. i play dota with benny.. 2 of us.. n i cook instant noodles for lunch..

went to bishan meet meow.. i walk out of the train station.. saw lirin standin by the wall.. so i walk over n snap my finger to shock her.. den we walk to meet meow.. when we walk near her sch front gate.. we saw her cross the road.. den we decided to "attack" her frm the back..

finally the 3 of us meet up.. went shop for meow's stuff n lirin's present we went to junction8 the mini toons. its was havin sales at 60% off.. damn lots of ppl.. we squeeze n stuff n finally.. Lirin get her turtle present, meow with her handphone pouch n water bottle.. next went to eat.. beef noodles for everyone.. lol.. finally its time to leave.. bought chocolate bar for meow.. see she smile so cute..

we take train home.. lirin went to church.. mi sent meow home..

at first its alright.. til something happen.. den mi n meow quarrel again. hate it.. guess we juz cant talk things out.. hmm.. no matter wat.. i will try n figure a way out.. juz hope she dun get so piss off..

meow i'm sry.. i really miss n love u.. i dun wan quarrel.. T.T sigh..

1st oct..

woke up.. was very tired.. tama n meow sms tell mi tt tama n lirin nt goin meet mi n meow.. tama tell mi tt he cant go out.. den lirin dun wan b light bulb.. so i sms back tama ask him ask lirin to go.. den i dun go cuz i wan meow to b happy.. she with mi we onli will quarrel.. n lirin understand her more.. anyway i went on IRC for nth juz to read ppl's chat to kill time.. tis is wat it is :
[11:16] Zean!!
[11:16] Zean!!
[11:16] Zean!!
[11:16] sex non stopped
[11:16] no la..weekday work like mad
[11:16] must be
[11:16] weekend mus slp
[11:16] lol
[11:16] wat keo
[11:16] kero
[11:16] Kero ur rival
[11:16] Kakash[i]: wats the occasion
[11:16] falls in love wif u
[11:16] zean
[11:16] LOL
[11:16] ......
[11:16] zean later u going?
[11:16] why?
[11:16] u wan see mi ar
[11:16] ;p;
[11:16] lol
[11:16] hmm
[11:17] ya
[11:17] got go ma?
[11:17] [T]ezu: sad to say..
[11:17] for wat.. lol.. i nt nice to see u can ask wind..
[11:17] no ba
[11:17] they nv include the last answer arc in
[11:17] .........
[11:17] y not going?!?!?!
[11:17] cuz i'm broke
[11:17] elie most probably going lei
[11:17] i told wind the reason le
[11:17] i also broke
[11:17] haiz
[11:17] ....
[11:17] go la
[11:17] i treat u
[11:17] u broke n u treat mi
[11:17] den movie u see next to her
[11:17] peng
[11:17] withdraw money lo
[11:18] *piak kero*
[11:18] dun spend money like tt
[11:18] ....
[11:18] my money i like
[11:18] =p
[11:18] lol
[11:18] i go eat breakfast le
[11:18] ok
[11:18] see ya later
[11:18] care
[11:18] bb

somehow i feel tt he likes meow.. bt i can do nth.. juz feel challenged bt haha.. meow is nt mine anyway. i cant stop ppl..

[11:56] zean
[11:56] do me a favour ma
[11:56] go lei
[11:57] i'm broke
[11:57] y u wan mi go so much
[11:57] lool
[11:57] oh this game
[11:57] thats y do me a favour by going lo
[11:57] i treat
[11:57] den u don owe me i don owe u lo
[11:57] =p
[11:57] * Musi`bath is now known as Musica
[11:57] peng

meow sms mi say wan meet mi.. n lirin say tt meow wan meet mi cuz i blur abt meow's sms.. so i went to meet her n yes.. i'm late.. we went to bugis meet up with some of IRC friends.. mostly guys =.= why meow meet them i wonder.. anyway one of them.. Wind.. treat mi to seoul garden as today is his birthday.. wee.. n was happy to eat with them especially with meow.

aft which.. all of us went to play pool.. i so long didn play le.. so play abit.. teach meow abit.. i try nt to control her too much. n alot ppl talk to mi n stuff.. i noe - wind, shawn, dai, kero, bear, kakashi, tingx, evil, blue, and some others who i cant remember nicks.. it was kinda fun.. bt i feel tt if i'm nt there n if some of them dunno tt elie is my ex girlfriend n i wan to woo her back.. i tink sure got guys talk n get close to her.. i can bet tt.. haha.. so actually i was glad to b there.. n glad tt they support mi instead of Kero.. wee.. some ppl there seems dun like mi.. guess my past is real bad.. i will change i will.. haha.. send meow to jurong together with lirin.. cuz we meet her up as meow needs to go to her house n stay.. happy tt i can b wit meow today whole day.. sad is she stil dun wan accept mi.. >.<

miss u meow.. really do.. wanna hug u to rest.. wanna b with u.. wanna do alot of romantic stuff with u.. like see stars n stuff.. T.T

Laziness

2006-09-29T14:29:00.000+08:00

28th sept

today is vania bdae.. so.. happy bdae to vania..

ha i woke up late tis mornin.. bt nt as late as wed.. so its stil alright.. went to sch.. sms meow meow.. guess i forgot answer her question n "why so late?" which make her send again at the later part of the day.. hee feel so nice waitin for meow meow when she attachment n study.. thou its tired for her n mi.. bt i juz cant wait to see her.. anytime i see her.. i feel very happy n filled up.. if nt my life is like so empty.. guess she juz wan to b friend til i dunno when.. mayb forever? however i stil like her.. wanna b with her.. she got friends.. she want them.. theres nth i can do.. bt to stay ard her n look at her.. i love to b quiet.. i love to look at things frm side.. juz like love lookin at her without sayin anything.. we went to eat at food court today.. she ate beef noodles.. n mi fishball noodles.. i simply feel very happy juz to b with her.. bt i have to prepare tt one day she will b away frm mi.. she will find her love one day.. the one who really she love n she feel happy with..

29th sept..

today.. feel so shock n happy tt thou i jump out of bed.. meow meow called mi n wake mi up.. cuz i'm late!! thank you meow meow.. sry to trouble u..

meow meow sound very tired.. hope she will b alright.. somehow i wish to hug her to rest.. together mi n her we rest.. bt its juz a selfish tot.. its bad.. nono.. cannot tink like tt.. she is nt my girlfriend anymore.. *smack myself* juz pray tt she will b alright.. dun like other ppl bully her or use her.. hmmpt.. i love my meow meow.. some time she is sweet.. sometimes she can really bite.. haha.. bt i wry.. she dun bite other ppl.. so i always wan to protect her.. bt she tink i'm in her way of life.. sad.. bt nvm.. i juz stay by her side lor..

today sch end early.. 12.. so i went home first.. meow today no lesson.. she goin out with huiying.. wish i can go too.. bt i'm poor.. even to travellin i cant cope.. anyway i goin to meet ran n sheng at cwp to look for job.. i really wish my tis 4 wish can come true..

1st.. be meow's boyfriend who can give her happiness let her feel happy n have simple lovely relationship.. really wish

2nd.. i can pass all my courses.. n smoothly get out of Singapore poly

3rd.. wish i can b more financial stable.. n grow taller

last.. i wish meow will b healthy, happy n dun stress.. n all the bad ppl ard her will b slowly blow away frm her.. so she will nt get harm.. hee..

tired.. yawn.. i miss meow meow.. T.T

kinda hate myself..

2006-09-27T11:50:00.000+08:00

26th sept.

26th sept is the day tt is impt if we din break up.

today went early like ytd to meet meow meow at JE. Thou onli see her for a few second. Bt i'm already very happy. she need to rush off to attachment.. miss her alot today. didn receive replies frm her.. however when we meet in the evenin.. she explained to mi.. n wit nt even a single doubt i trust all her words.

went to have dinner.. meow dun allow mi to eat.. haha. cuz i'm goin to the steamboat at marina south wit friend aft i send her to sch.. she is so beautiful.. listen to her talkin, see her smilin, somehow i feel so happy.. wish to b with her longer..

went to the steamboat.. its to celebrate one of my friend's bdae.. was damn tired.. so juz sit there n sms meow.. bt meow is study.. so dun dare disturb her much.. we the 7 bros talk alot.. cuz mayb too long didn gather together to talk.. all the 7 of us.. *Bin, Sheng, Xiong, Ran, Wei, Thomas n mi..* i somehow noe i have made a mistake to go home later to chat with them.. n i miss meow..

27th sept..

today.. i hate myself alot.. due to ytd late home.. i cant wake up tis mornin.. cant meet meow in the mornin.. i feel so empty.. miss sch lesson.. i feel very bad.. cuz my result is nt the best.. yet... sigh.. i hate myself.. i wan to change.. i wan to b a better guy.. i wan to study hard n stuff.. i wan my future to b good for meow.. if she ever comin back.. bt i wan to change.. the mi n the past sucks.. its nt mi.. i finally realise tt aft the broke up.. i'm nth bt a failure.. always wan do something den in the end cant do it.. bt tis time no matter wat i will try.. for my sake, for meow sake, for the future sake. i will try.. wish meow later will call or sms mi den i can meet her.. >.<

wee.. meow meow called mi.. we meet up at kranji.. cuz i was kinda late.. den she already reach CCK so she move on to kranji n meet up.. we talked, laugh, play n stuff. it was fun.. i love tt.. haha.. she try to nt get angry so fast n stuff.. can see tt.. haha bt to mi, mayb i stil nt use to it.. i feel she had changed.. no longer the innocent meow meow i noe.. bt nvm human change n stuff. if the past character is her true self.. oneday she will b back.

we went to eat at yoshinoya again. haha.. tis time i eat with her.. feel so happy.. i dunno if its tt she wan or she is juz playin with mi.. bt she feed mi fries.. feel very happy.. >.< send her to sch like past 2 days.. see her went in to the class n my heart feel empty again.. miss her.. cuz i noe once she went in.. its hard to talk again.. cuz when she work, study.. its hard for her to sms mi.. n i dun wan to disturb her too.. so as usual.. i went home..

at WDL bus interchange.. i saw Ran.. he takin a big cake.. haha i noe who the cake belongs to.. its mosquito's.. a girl who Ran likes b4.. dunno now stil got or nt.. Ran ask mi to acc him to go meet her.. cuz she is my 14 years of friend.. n its true.. i noe her for 14 years. haha.. so the 3 of us talk n stuff den put candle n she make wish n stuff.. walk home.. mi n Ran walk to SPC patrol station n buy milk.. we talk alot.. its like when we were at sec5.. mi n Ran talk alot.. haha.. good buddy..

reach home.. smsed meow.. i noe she wont reply cuz she studyin.. juz miss her.. haha.. see her so tired i oso feel painful for her.. T.T really wish i can give her my energy.. so she can b more cheerful.. its late le.. wish her good night.. wish to tell her i love her.. bt.. its useless.. nth will change.. i will have to change more n make her trust mi more.. ^.^

God bless everyone.. thank you meow for smilin n talkin to mi.. i feel very happy ^.^ sry if i din make u happy. i will try harder..

friends n relative tt concern

2006-09-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

my cousin pm mi.. asked mi abt my sword n stuff..
she said she feel sad cuz of her work n life.. feel sad for her too. she is so capable. bt was drag down by stress, staff unhappiness n stuff.. ganbatte ne. god will bless u..

vania pm mi.. she ask how m i n stuff.. she seems to b a quiet girl to mi.. bt didn noe tt she oso got so much trouble.. thanks for her concern.. she is a nice girl.. thou i nt really noe her.. bt she can understand wat i sayin n listen n reply with a positive way.. i really happy n touch..

she make mi remind of elie(meow meow).. meow meow is a nice girl.. she listen n stuff.. mayb cuz i hurt her n stuff n she stress now tts y her attitude towards mi change.. bt ppl will change as time goes by.. juz whether they realise or nt.. take mi for example. its aft i lost meow meow den i realise i have change so bad.. so now i'm tryin to change back.. we r friend now.. i will try use the time n change n mayb u will change ur attitude towards mi.. dun build fence between us..

ppl concern mi n ofcuz ppl slowly goin far frm mi like my old time friends.. no one talks to mi n understand mi.. mayb cuz i dun say things out.. n wear a mask cuz i dun wan get hurt.. bt i kinda like my life now.. i have my one n onli big goal.. go get meow meow back n get married.. n there r ppl concern abt mi n understand mi.. someday i will understand meow meow n meow meow will understand mi too.. den we will have no quarrel.. wee.. cant wait for tt day.. really wish it will come.. i will try hard now.. wee...

thank you meow meow..
thank you harnling (cousin)
thank you vania *i'm nt cute, nt great dancer.. haha so dun tink i m*

i love my meow meow..

startin of new life..

2006-09-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

today its the start of sch again.. so is meow meow's attachment n courses.. hope she will b alright..
wish tt i can lighten my heart abit more so i can dun let her feel so tie up.. hmm i muz try somemore.. missin her today n i tink i tink alittle too much again. bt tis time i can control.. cuz i trust her even more.. juz wonder if i have did anything tt make her trust mi even alittle.. i will try harder.. i wan to b a better man.. i hate my old self..

Zean's heart : "hey Zean.. being urself is alright.. juz nt the bad side.. u noe how to see wat is good n bad right.. ur problem is tt u noe its nt very good to say things.. bt u juz cant stop immediately. try harder.. find urself back.. the good one.. haha.."

i noe i'm dumb to talk to myself.. bt its the onli way i can remember things.. my memory becomin bad day by day.. wonderin wats happenin..

i need to come here n read tru my feelins n things i have said n stuff.. sry meow meow.. guess i'm stil nt good enough for u.. everyone have their own tinkin.. one juz have to listen to the other n tink/ join the ideas together to see wat is the out come.. quarrel will sure lessen if both side can understand. (tis words is for myself too.. nt sayin anyone. nt pin point anyone. so dun get offended)

i startin nt to like guys much.. their tinkin is so corrupted.. have they even tink for the girls.. guess everyone is selfish.. have a bigger heart n dun b petty.. as long as the person who u care for noe the limit.. let it b..

Zean's heart : "u lie n hide too.. thou u noe wat is bad n u dun go do it.. bt do u noe tt lyin hurt those who care for u? b honest if its really bad.. listen to others advise.. tink abt the comments. dun object straight.. tink again.. n nicely talk out.. sometime ppl juz wan to care bt dunno how to express. "

my goal now is to make myself a better one.. wee. so friends can accept mi, meow meow can accept mi n we make a happy relationship with honesty, understandin..

dear god.. pls protect meow meow frm all the bad things.. b it how ppl treat her, tink of her m stuff.. she is someone impt to mi..

waitin for meow meow end the attachment den meet her go eat dinner.. hee.. i need to slowly save up.. for the future with meow.. i dun care.. i will wait.. cuz frm the beginnin i already take u as my future wife.. i noe its childish to say so early especially ppl who noe i'm poor.. bt i take it serious.. she is the onli one.. i dun mind her past or wat.. i noe its mi who dun cherish her.. bt i have learn my bad. i will change.. T.T sry to keep wantin u to b with mi such a useless guy..

guess i talk too much.. later other days nth to say.. guess i'm juz like tt.. keep repeatin myself.. dunno y.. i tink i gettin weird.. my mind got some problem.. mayb got short term memory or brain got problem. haha.. wish to b with meow.. watch movie, hug her slp , alot.. juz to love her n stuff..

the wind is hittin mi hard

2006-09-24T15:55:00.000+08:00

came over to meow meow house.. she asked mi to come over to help her with the sewin of her skirt..

wake up early came over to her house.. waited for her happily bt to receive a piss off sms.. sigh.. i dunno wat have i done to make her tt way.. guess she is juz hatin mi..

things slowly went well bt we quarrel again.. i dun like it.. sigh..

tink i more n more like him.. tt bastard.. if i can call him bastard den i myself is a bastard too..

i tink she really hate mi for botherin her.. i really wish we can b like last time.. nt really as couple type bt as close friend type.. like how we were when i was her "daddy"

accidentally saw her sms.. guess she is really close to kero.. she tell him tt i was botherin her.. n kero was like some hero.. reply tt if need help he will come over.. ( i dun mind lero being like tis.. cuz if were mi i will oso do it. however they juz noe each other nt long. n he seems interested to her.. i feel very pain.. bt it was i who make things to tis stage.. if onli i dun hide things in the past, dun pester her now. guess she wont ask some guy for help.)

things i'm gonna change..

*i will nt hide anything frm her anymore.
*i will slowly make her trust mi.
*be myself n talk things out if ever we have argument in the future.
*wish she can oso change her attitude towards mi as days past.
*i will wait for her til the day she is ready to come back.
*i Muz grow tall.
*same as b4 dun like guys who flirt her. i noe she will nt go for guys in the past. bt dunno now. bt i tink those guys r the bad one who always wan her.. despo guys.. hate it.
*talk to guys its ok, juz like i talk to girls. juz dun take advantage of her. if i noe i will kill the guy.

things i promise to her n myself

* i will change.
* i will nt find any other girls.
* marry her aft i get her back. ( its a long long promise which i keep cuz i really mean it)

afterall. i will have to change to someone who i m alittle b4 i noe her.. tts the time when i'mthe best i tink. bt now i wan to b better.

no matter if u were to come back or have a relationship. i will stil wait for u. no matter wat.

hmm frm tml on.. things will change.. she will b busy, i will b busy.. guys will ask her out more, sms her call her more.. bt i cant do anything. so wait.. haha.. ganbatte to myself.

to ppl who read my blog. if u noe abt my problem n dun like it. u either tell mi if nt go away. whether u r friend or ppl who backstab mi.. one day i will noe.

lastly.. meow meow i love u forever. i will wait. haha i sound so freak. bt its cuz i really love her n dun wan to pester her anymore. so other guys dun have chance... I SO BAD!!!! lol..

i will never forget how i regret

2006-09-22T18:13:00.000+08:00

we have broken up. i really feel sad n regret very much. bt there is nth i can do really. there is no chance i can do anything cuz i hurt her too much.

thanks to elie(my ex-girlfriend who make the blog for mi, she is talented)

22sept 6:01pm

she went to play pool with friends..
juz woke up. miss you alot. regret alot. how i wish time can turn back n i wont lie to you n b honest n give u a happier life. i'm juz too selfish n timid n didn tink abt ur feelin. i'm juz nt myself. sigh. was tinkin how i wish u r stil my girlfriend. bt the fact is very cruel. it hurts bt its my own doin tt led to this. i wish n pray for a second chance to b wit u in the future when we can start anew. n u can trust mi. i will treasure tt chance..

wonder how is your pool outing. dont dare to sms u. cuz dunno wat to say n ask. wanna say i miss u dear. how's the outin. noe more guys ar. are they ur type? i hope nt. haha. i'm juz a dumbass who regret. ask myself y i'm so freak when u given mi so much chance n givin in to mi so much. i juz dun see it. i hate myself. take things for granted. i'm sry.. really wan u back yet i cant do anything. the onli thing i can tink off now is explain honestly to u, lessen the hatred n stuff. n at least b normal friend when u will sms mi talk to mi n stuff. bt nt full of hate n distrust.. wish in the future u can trust mi more n we can talk more.. i will wait for ur return.. whether u comin back or nt i will stil wait.. cuz i really love u n i will change n hope u will change ur tinkin abt mi. i wont give up on the promise abt gettin married. mayb u had give up. bt i wont. its juz single love right now.